Week 25 - An Exercise of the Mind - Part 2

Let's start with an interesting week on the scales.  A few points of note.  Weigh in bottomed out at 98.8kg.  First time in the 98s.  Only dropped 200 grams in that space.  My average weight was 100kg on the nose.  I was busting to drop that average weight figure to double digits, but, I guess I will have to save that happy dance I had planned for next week.  It does however, represent a 400 gram drop in average.

So...there is a challenge on the horizon.  At some stage in September there will be an ammateur MMA competition in Sydney.  Entering in the competition, irrespective of the date has been a goal for me as part of this process.  I contacted the organisers and they are yet to set a date.  Based on the timings of past events I suspect it will be in September at some stage.  So here is the nervous challenge that is before me.  How to go from the weight I am today to 93kg in 5-8 weeks?  If it's 8 weeks, then I breathe a little easier even if my heart rate is still a little above resting.  If it is closer to 5 or 6 weeks.....badabom....badabom.....badabom you can probably hear it beating from where you are now.

I consulted briefly with my dietician and she was confident that I could achieve the weight I am looking for without sacrificing enough muscle to have an impact on my performance.  Comforting from an outcomes perspective, but, possible does still equal a lot of work and dedication from here to the official weigh in time.  Something that both excites and scares me a little at the same time.  Nothing like a serious challenge to inspire some equally serious motivation.

Realistically, I am targetting 95kg with a view to sweating out a couple of kilograms prior to weigh in for the event.  It should leave me enough time prior to the competition to rehydrate properly and perform well from a physical perspective at least.  I know from experience that dropping 2kg in a session is not hard for me.  Doing so without impacting performance the next day is something I am thinking more about at the moment.

Seeing something like this on the immediate horizon is exciting, terrifying and extremely motivating all at the same time.  I don't have the time, space or vocabulary to fully account for all the emotions that it evokes.  I think those three are probably the strongest.  Now to work with them and get through the routine and responsibilities of daily life, while trying to really up my game in all aspects of preparation for the competition.

Putting all that to one side, last week I wrote about parts of the mental aspects of training and preparing to compete in MMA.  After being part of my coach's preparation in the past few months and first competition over the weekend, I have plenty of new material to work through in my head.  However, this week I wanted to go back to some of the other revelations that presented themselves during Coach Richie's recent visit to train us.

Some of my favourite posts to date have centred on the concept of "The Good Training Partner" .  Following that link will take you to them (this one will appear at the top of that search link, so just scroll past it if you are interested).  Between learning how to control my intensity to suit the situation and training partner at the time and the desire to 'keep it playful' in exploring all positions, dominant and inferior, on the grappling mats, the efforts on this front have been some of the most rewarding.  To those ends, I feel like I have learned a great deal about measuring and changing levels of intensity when practicing grappling for example.  To the point where perhaps I had found myself comfortable and maybe even overconfident at times in being able to get out of difficult positions on the mat.  On one side of the ledger, the logic for me has always been about experiencing the bad spots in training so that if and or when I found myself in those same positions in competition (or perish the thought worse), I would be at least familiar enough with the situation so as not to panic.  The key objective being to maintain my critical thinking and use it in executing what technique I may have to put towards reversing the situation.

This strategy has really opened the door for me in terms of the variety of people that I am now comfortable training with and perhaps most importantly from the perspective that I am generally not afraid of hurting training partners any more.  I used to be so worried that I was going to break everyone through my inexperience.  I feel like I have learned enough so that people can walk away from training not cursing my name.  That's got to be positive right?  The other immeasurable benefit is how much I am learning in this approach.  I am no world beater, but, it really has helped my development more than would have been the case otherwise.

Arriving centre stage to this happy story is one Coach Richie.  At his recent visit I had the opportunity to roll (practice grapple) with him.  I worked up the courage to actually take it this time!  I learned so much in those 3 minutes and I would say that nearly all of it was in relation to what was going on in my head.  I've always been impressed with the knowledge Coach Richie has as well as his openness to share it.  He was also one of the first people I saw in the flesh whose movements, in my mind at least, put the art in martial arts.  So fluid and precise.  But enough stargazing no good giving the guy a big head!

What struck me when we started was Coach Richie was coaching straight away.  Natural enough when you think about it I suppose.  A quiet word here or there like 'posture' or 'relax' showed me that he was in the place that I usually try to go, that of slowing things down to the point where you're comfortable and you're seeing more than just the basics of what is in front of you.  Of course I am nothing like as practiced at it, but, it is something that I constantly aspire to do.  I was pleased with some aspects of what I did in that I could recognise a couple of occasions where Coach Richie left a door open for me to walk through if I knew how and at least from what I discerned, I took my chances when they presented.  He was never threatened by anything I did I know for sure, but, it was nice to know that I could at least improve my position at times, even if they were gimmes.

Conversely there was not one moment where I felt safe.  Not that I felt in danger of being hurt or anything, but, more that I felt that Coach Richie could have ended the competition at any time he wanted.  It's pretty clear to me now that this was in my head before I started and quite clearly affected what I was doing.  At one point he paused at told me to relax and control my breathing.  I was snapped out of whatever world I was in and straight away saw that I was breathing far heavier that I had noticed and have been used to under normal circumstances.  On the pleasing side of the ledger, I was not in danger of gassing (a common word for fatiguing) as my fitness has really improved.  But, there I was, breathing hard like I was running a race.

When the 30 second call was given indicating that there was half a minute left in the round, I suddenly became aware of the hands and arms tightening around me in a submission hold forcing me to tap out.  The simple gesture of a couple of light taps on my training partner's back indicating my acknowledgement of defeat.  Absolutely validating my suspicion that I was indeed never safe and had been at the simple mercy of that same training partner.  Who had of course had his coach's hat on the whole time and had been silently teaching me throughout.

At the end, we exchanged a few simple words.  Coach Richie reinforced the message that I needed to relax and not try to strength things, which is a common flaw in bigger guys.  I explained that I was quite nervous.  At the time, this was about all I could express of the ideas and concepts about what had taken place that were starting to whizz around in my head.  I remain fascinated at just how much of an impact it had on me.  To both learn from and 'compete' with someone so vastly more experienced and skilled than me.  All those things that I have been working on in terms of keeping my head clear, controlling my breathing and exploring the experience generally, left me in the heat of the moment.  It reminded me just how much of a mental game it really is and the impact that your state of mind has on your physical performance.  The ability to stay calm and evaluate the situations critically can make or break the outcome of the competition.  It reaffirmed my commitment to the path I have been walking in relation to training myself to remain calm and practice dominant and inferior positions with a diverse range of people.  Those that really challenge me for different reasons.  To work on varying the intensity at which I practice to ensure that I remain alert to opportunities to grasp onto.  Whilst ultimately searching for victory in live competition.

Even though this is a huge post, it really is cutting a long story short, because I took so much away from the experience.  Thanks for sticking with it if you made it this far.

Week 24 - An Exercise of the Mind

I'd have to say that the results on the scales this week very much resemble those of last week, except in terms of actual progress.  A couple of days below 100 kg including a 99.0 which is my weigh in figure for the week and a point in time loss of 500 grams.  The other five days fluctuated to the point where my average weight only dropped by 100 grams.  A trip away this weekend will make things difficult on the scales next week.  There's discipline you apply to every day and then there's that which you apply in this sort of circumstance.  I don't believe in missing out on life.  After all, is not the goal of getting healthy to live your life to the fullest?  Yes it may cost me a little progress in the short term, but, this is a big and meaningful weekend, as my coach competes for the first time.

Whilst I don't drink or smoke or anything, and parties can present some issues for the introverted soul that I am (remember my introvert vs extrovert post? Watch that fantastic video and you will know what I mean), allowing myself to relax on the diet a little will be part of the weekend and I want to be part of this weekend!  It won't look like the old me that would binge out on such occasions. But, it will be a little relaxed shall we say.

On to the business at hand.  One of the things that I enjoy about mixed martial arts (MMA) is the mindset of openness.  The approach that is open to new things.  To different ideas and a variety of techniques.  The ultimate goal being to gain exposure to a broad range of skills and find what works well for you as an individual in forming a well rounded kit bag of martial arts tools so to speak. This week I had the great pleasure of participating in a Martial Arts workshop run by Richie Cranny, who is my coach's coach.  It was the third time I had such an opportunity and I took it up eagerly.  Such a wealth of knowledge, along with a willingness and an aptitude for sharing it was too much to pass up.  Doesn't hurt that he's a good bloke too!

Along with some new techniques and strategies to work on in the coming months, Coach Richie also challenged me (and others in attendance) to be thinking about the mental aspects of practicing and competing in MMA.  At the beginning of the session he asked who had thoughts of competing and why they held those aspirations.  I answered truthfully that primarily, the idea of competing at light heavyweight had been incredibly motivating in my desire to lose weight and get healthy.  As usual though when speaking in an impromptu fashion in a group and on topics that can be somewhat personal, I found that my answer was nothing resembling complete or articulate.  That along with some time to dwell on the question leads me to chronicle my motivations as they have developed over time with hopefully a little more clarity here.

You may have read my original blog post, The Magic Number, which at the time outlined my reasons and goals associated with training and competing in MMA.  Whilst they are all still true and relevant, I have added to them along the way.

First off I should say that I really enjoy the sport.  The training, the concepts and particularly the people.  The functional fitness that I have gained through MMA training has made real and significant change to my fitness and appearance.  I've been fit before.  Very fit.  With this style of training though, I have found that I am becoming very fit and retaining more speed and strength than I can remember ever having.  That is of course in the context of the athleticism that remains with me being nearly 40, but, I am hard pressed to remember a time where I have been fitter.  I certainly cannot remember a time where I have been this weight and body fat levels as I documented in last week's post about my visit to the dietician.

The other aspect of MMA that I have found fascinating and very rewarding has been internal.  The journey of the mind.  I have found that the idea of training to compete in a combat sport has very much made me reflect on why I would want to do such a thing.  I could very well achieve all my physical goals without the need to step up and compete.  Goals do motivate me and competing at light heavyweight, along with just reaching the eligible weight itself, do help me stay hungry (like that diet reference?).  However, the desire to test myself and the skills that I have learned has also become something that is driving me towards competition.  Sometimes I even think of competing before I reach light heavyweight.  I make sure to catch myself, because it would hollow out much of the meaning to the experience.

I am a pretty competitive person and the opportunity to measure my skills against a willing opponent is a very appealing proposition.  When I say that I am competitive, I should say that I very much enjoy competing.  I can honestly say that is generally independent of the outcome of said competition.  What motivates me is attempting to perform and execute skills to the best of my ability.  How that stacks up against my opponent is largely irrelevant to me, because their skillset and execution, their training and experience is largely, if not completely beyond my control.  What I can control, or attempt to at least, is my preparation and execution.  Therein lies the challenge and the interest in competing.  Can I do my best in the heat of the moment.  A great challenge indeed.

As you may remember from my post a couple of weeks ago (To Thine Own Self be True), and as I have mentioned again earlier in this post, I am an introvert, which means that I think and think and think about stuff.  As such, this is post 1 of 2 about the mental aspects of my MMA journey and experiences.  I reckon, I have gone on enough for one week and I don't want to write a novel all in one post!  'Leave them wanting more' as they say.  So hopefully, you'll join me, same Bat Time, same Bat Channel, next week.  Hope to see you then!

Week 23 - A Pound of Flesh

Back more on topic this week.  I backed up last week's drop under 100kg with a couple of days in double figures.  My new low mark set this week is 99.5kg, which represents a 400 gram loss.  My average weight loss in the same period was 500 grams.  Bang on target.  In a week, maybe two, I hope to drop my average below the 100 mark.  That will be a cause for celebration!

You may remember my last visit to the dietician (Week 13) where I had my skinfolds taken to measure my body fat levels and set a baseline.  This week I returned for another checkup so to speak and to see how I have been progressing.  I was more than a little pleased with the outcome of the visit and those of my efforts as well.

Previously I had come in at a total figure of 88.5mm across the 7 points measured, which put me in the Good to Average range of body fat levels as depicted in the chart below, depending on whether I am considered to be an athletic person or not.  Even then I was pretty happy with the outcome given that it was not that long ago that I was well and truly in the poor category.  The goal was to drop body fat, without losing muscle mass.  The way I understand to measure that using skinfolds is that for every kg of body weight that you lose that is purely fat where your skinfolds are above 80mm, you will lose 10mm from your skinfolds total.  So for the first kilo I lost, my results would have dropped to just under 80mm, assuming that I only lost fat and no muscle.  From there, where you are under 80mm, for every kilo of weight you lose, you will only reduce by 5mm from your total skinfolds score.

So in the time between visits (just over 2 months), I lost exactly 5kg.  Based on the system above, that means if I had lost only bodyfat, my skinfolds should have been around the 60mm mark.  Any more, and I would have lost muscle and fat in a percentage ratio determined by the skinfolds result.  Very pleased to report that I came in at 59.8mm.  What that means is that every bit of the weight that I have lost in the past 2 months has been fat and I have retained whatever muscle mass I started with.  All but the perfect outcome.

The image here is me trying to put some context around what that looks like.  You may have seen this method before.  I went searching the intermaweb for an image of what 5kg of fat compares to physically.  Of course everything only came back in pounds, but, I thought this one was quite good.  Allowing for conversion, I lost 11 of these handfuls of fat from my body.  In answer to the question the image poses, no, I am not mad at all.

The other thing that made me smile about the skinfolds result was that it puts me in the Excellent range for both Normal and Athletic people.  Now that is not something I have been able to say about anything to do with my weight ever!

Extending the skinfolds maths out a little further.  At 5mm per 1 kilo lost, pushing on to even 95kg would see me at 35mm total skinfolds.  That is one tough challenge.  My dietician, who works with a lot of athletes has only ever seen someone go as low as just under 30.  She presented me with the proposition that it will most likely not be possible for me to go any lower than 93-95kg without losing muscle mass.  Perfect!  That just happens to be my goal.  Sit on about 95kg day to day with a view to sweating out around 2kg in the days before competition.  For those of you who have trained with me on the mats, you can no doubt attest that sweating out 2kg for me will not be a problem....I reckon I break into a sweat while stretching before the warm up!

Another thing that came out of my visit was a slight adjustment to my macronutrient intake on rest days.  Raising my protein a little and lowering my carbohydrate commensurately.  Nothing dramatic like hopping on board a 'no carb diet'.  Just a small reduction.  I also still need to work on getting my fat intake up to the right level.  Peanuts are my friend in that regard.  I had forgotten them in the last few weeks.

The final note is about the Body Mass Index (BMI).  Going back to the skinfolds maths again for a second, where it was established that I cannot expect to go below about 95kg without sacrificing muscle density and acknowledging that I am really not that muscular to begin with, what does that say about the BMI as a reference point?  My dietician gave a mirthful scoff when I asked her about it and exclaimed that it should not in any way be applied to athletes.  A point that is very hard to argue with given that 93kg is the first weight that I would need to reach before I am considered healthy.  Right now I am still a fair way into overweight....  Can you hear the sound of me chucking the BMI into the discard pile?  No longer shall I let myself be bound by its constraints and I shall enjoy a freedom somewhat akin to that aspired to in Braveheart!!

Week 22 - It's a Kind of Magic

Not with a bang but a whimper.  A very famous line.  Perhaps the most famous of author T. S. Eliot from his poem The Hollow Men.  It may be hard to believe, but, that is how my results this week have left me.  The big news of course is that I weighed in at under 100kg!  I have included official documented evidence in the image here.

You may remember the internal battle that rages inside me between my old and new scales, documented in an earlier post.  I am comfortable reporting this milestone as it was achieved on my new scales.  On the day, the old ones had me at 98.3kg.  To put that figure in perspective, I have had those scales for quite some time and that number on those scales is the lightest I have been in around 15 or more years, if not my entire adult life.  So then, why has this all left me a little cold and not bouncing off the walls?

In truth, I am very pleased with the result.  Since February I have lost 21kg and am now over 40kg lighter than I was at my heaviest.  This week's results represent a 1.2kg loss and a staggering 1.4kg average loss, which, at this stage of the game is remarkable in of itself.  What is sitting in the forefront of my mind however, is that the job is not done.  I still have some of the hardest yards to run.  In previous attempts to get healthy, I have allowed myself to get too caught up in this particular milestone and in true Shakespearean tragic fashion, it was the flaw that lead to my obese downfall.  Something to keep in mind also, is that despite being so much fitter and healthier, according to what so many health professionals rely on as an indicator of healthy weight, the good old Body Mass Index (BMI), I am not only 7kg from my personal goal, but, similarly I am that same amount into the overweight category.  I am closer to the healthy range than the obese now for sure.  But, one of my primary goals in this exercise was to not be one of the so often quoted statistic in the media, that of Australia's "X% of adults who are overweight or obese".  So you can definitely say there is satisfaction this week, but, over and above that, the fire is still burning.

I am going to go off on a completely unrelated tangent at this point, so be warned.  The title of this post is reference to a line from the amazing movie "Highlander" and similarly to lyrics in a song by Queen from the soundtrack to the film.  I use it in reference to how I perceive the process by which my two children have and are learning to read.

I remember clearly with my eldest daughter, reading with her at night and having her read to me when she started school.  Both to encourage her curiosity, imagination and all the good things that come from reading books, and also to foster the growth in her ability to read.  My youngest daughter started school this year and she, even more so than her sister before her, has dived into books with a fervour that I am sad to say is not shared by her father.  Books have not been something that I have ever really taken to, even though I don't believe I could ever satiate my desire to learn new and interesting things.  In reading and listening to my youngest read her first books this year, my mind was cast back to the sensation I had at the time my eldest started in the same way, how on earth do they do it?  They go to the place we call school and when they come back they can translate these symbols on the page into words, meaning and understanding.  I literally sit there some nights with my mouth open in amazement and wonder how this little girl can read those big words.  I understand the mechanics of it as I used to be a high school teacher.  My wife understands it far better than I as she is a primary school teacher.  Even with that knowledge at my disposal, it still fills me with awe at how they do it.  It's a kind of magic!

Something very related to this experience that upsets me in equal measure to the joy the above brings me, is how we can allow people to reach adulthood without this skill set.  There are a couple of people in my life at the moment who I know or suspect are either completely illiterate, or have literacy issues.  Equally, I know one remarkable individual, who despite being written off at school as being stupid, once identified as having dyslexia has gone on to prove himself to be not only incredibly intelligent (with an IQ in the order of 130), but, very capable and successful as well.  So why is it that we let this happen?

Somewhat ironically, I went out and found myself a book on adult literacy.  A practical piece on how to approach helping someone to improve their reading and writing as an adult.  I did it with a view to seeing what I could do, even if it was on a small or an individual scale.  Some of the things it taught me about the obstacles that people who cannot read or write face really shocked me.  Things that we just take for granted.  Picture going to a restaurant and not knowing what's on the menu.  Think about how these days when you go to the supermarket, you often look at the back of the packet to understand the nutritional value (or lack thereof) of the product you are holding.  Is it any wonder that one of the biggest problems that illiterate people face is poor health.  They tend to go to the same places to eat, often fast food outlets, because they can familiarise themselves with the menu and these type of places tend to have pictures depicting their wares, targeting these very people (and kids of course, but, that is another story).  Imagine trying to understand the instructions written on the side of the medication that the doctor just prescribed you. Read a map anyone?  No thanks, I think I'll just stay local, stick with the familiar and limit my life's ambitions.

I know the economics and general reality of the education system is such that it caters to what are the needs of the many.  I know that there are plenty of other, worse things in the world.  It just saddens me to think that it happens and is avoidable.

There endeth my social commentary.  No apologies, but, thanks for sticking with me if you have done so to this point.  A bit more on topic next week.  I leave you with what I hope is a pleasant image of me reading with my daughters tonight before I tuck them into bed.  I'm looking forward to it already.