Week 33 - Lengthening The Line

A different kind of week this one.  I watched my weight and what I ate, but, not with the intense scrutiny that I have applied in recent memory, or indeed since February.  To be honest, I am somewhat rudderless as I seek out a new direction with regards to what weight I want to maintain and how I maintain it.  I also figure that two relaxed weeks are probably ok.  The fact that we are moving house, which has left our lives in a special kind of chaos has let me just no sweat the small stuff for this week at least.  I will have the capacity to refocus on things very soon and am looking forward to it.

So, I am going to be brave again and post links to the footage of my fight.  It was taken by my coach's wife and she's done a fantastic job with her phone, capturing great images of the highlights that I remember and plenty that I don't.  By way of brief commentary.  The first round is where I think my opponent won the fight on the judges scorecard.  He held dominant positions on the ground and had more scoring strikes with very good counter punching.  Just for everyone's info, he hit like a truck.  He was significantly more muscular and stronger than me as will be evident where he ragdolls me part way through that first round.  The highlight for me being in the dying seconds of the round where I reverse the position on the ground and end up in a beautiful side control.......Just as the end of the round sounds.  Yay me!

The second round was more interesting from my perspective in so much as I landed a few strikes of my own, as well as wore some big ones I will add.  I'd argue that I got the best punch in the fight around the 50 second mark right before it went to the ground again.  I finished the round off in a position to submit, but again, through time running out and an incomplete technique the round ends before the submission is finished!  My comment on both rounds would be, I really needed 5 minute rounds.  My cardio was better and I think I might have come away with the cash so to speak if they had been.  Having said that, they weren't and I knew that going in.  In my mind, the better performer won the fight and I am thrilled with having had the opportunity to compete against him, having taken to the full distance a man who was bigger, stronger and half my age, as well as with a number of things about my own performance.

I'm not sure how long I will leave the videos up.  Maybe for a couple of weeks because a few people have asked to see them.  So here they are...

NSWAMMA - 08-09-2013 - Round 1

NSWAMMA - 08-09-2013 - Round 2

Reflecting on the footage, but, more importantly the thought processes during and since the event, I found my mind turning back to the book I recently read and referred to in an earlier post - Zen in the Martial Arts.  In it there is a chapter called "Lengthen Your Line", that discusses the author's frustration at being soundly beaten in a competitive sparring session by a more skilled opponent.  I remember back to a similar session where I was completely outdone by one of my training partners in a similar fashion.  I am pleased to report that the concepts in this chapter reflect a principle that I already apply to my training.

In the book the author's coach\master at the time counselled him after the session, enquiring initially as to why he was so frustrated.  Upon learning the reason was that he had been outmatched by his opponent, the teacher drew a chalk line on the floor representing the skill level of the opponent.  He then asked the author what he could do about shortening the line in order to be more competitive.  They went back and forth for a bit with suggestions until the teacher drew a second line on the floor, this one longer than the first.  He went on to give a very wise and gentle lesson to the author extolling the virtue of lengthening one's own line, rather than attempting to shorten that of others.  He used the following words:

"It is always better to improve and strengthen your own line or knowledge than to try and cut your opponent's line"

I couldn't agree more.  Just as I went back and increased my resolve and effort towards improving the areas of my competitive martial arts that were exposed in training previously, I intend to go back to the mats and focus even more on those things in my fight that either allowed my opponent to gain an advantage because of my lack of skill, or indeed could have won me the match had I been more proficient.  It so happens that half of that equation is still the area that I have been working on since the last time I tried to lengthen my line.  However, I am pleased to say that, whilst I still have a long way to go, I feel like I have added a couple of centimetres to it over the past few months.  I look forward to continuing to work hard in that fashion.

Week 32 - Goals and Milestones

Where to begin?  A few days ago, I competed in my first Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) event.  It was the culmination of 31 weeks worth of thought, preparation and hard work.  The fight experience itself was everything I expected and more.  Above even that, reaching the supremely challenging goals that I had set myself has proven to be tremendously rewarding.

At the start of February this year, I weighed in at 121.1kg.  To compete at light heavyweight I needed to be 93kg.  I weighed in last Sunday morning at 91.95kg.  Surpassing even my own expectations.  That was after eating a good breakfast, fuelling me for the day's action to come.  Whilst my weight was artificially lower than the day before by 2kg, I didn't have to dramatically lose weight for the weigh in.  A process known as 'cutting weight'.  I walked around happy and healthy on the day, full of energy having adopted a simple, but, nutritionally sound and sustaining pre match day diet.  One happy aside from the day was that as much as I have dispersed with any thoughts of the Body Mass Index (BMI) being relevant, I was in the healthy range even on that scale as out of proportion as it is.  On that front, I permanently thumb my nose at the BMI and any hold it ever had over me.  I am no longer a statistic on the news in the obesity epidemic articles, whatever the measure they choose to use.

Another somewhat secret goal of mine was also reached.  From the days where I was at my heaviest, I am now 50kg lighter.  30kg of that I have lost since February.  The remainder in previous 'failed' weight loss attempts.  It was a goal linked with the BMI as it also coincided with the afore mentioned drop into the healthy range.  Both boxes now well and truly ticked!

I set a goal to challenge myself in a competitive MMA bout.  On Sunday just gone, I met this challenge also.  This perhaps above all else was a journey of the body, mind and spirit.  I have taken so much from the people and process involved in stepping onto that competition mat, ready to face whoever was in front of me, that I'm not sure whether I put it at least on the same level as my weight and health goals, or even a little above.  There is an expression that I have heard, and no doubt mentioned here previously.  Combat sports are the antithesis of chess.  In chess there are many players with very few experts.  In the world of combat sports, there are many experts, but, very few people willing to step up and play.  I can understand why.  The intense emotions that you go through and even just the internal dialogue that goes through you mind in order to answer the starting bell was something that I will certainly never forget.  I may have lost my match on the judges scorecard after going the distance with a man in a heavier weight category and nearly 20 years my junior, but, I can honestly say, I have never felt more like a winner.

One thing that I have to this point never shared is what this journey has meant to me in terms of goal attainment.  I have been someone that has found many things in life relatively easy at times.  I have been blessed with enough intelligence to get a good job to support my family, enough athleticism to find myself fairly capable in many of my chosen sports and enough common sense to walk a relatively straight path through life in general.  What I have found that this has resulted in me being a little more complacent and even somewhat lacking in what I would describe as character that I have been sometimes willing to admit.

You may remember my post entitled "The Biggest Guy in the Room" where I spoke about the challenges I was acknowledging in regards to the difficulty I was facing in remaining competitive in my MMA training whilst losing size and strength.  These two assets are great tools to have in physical pursuits and a big part of this whole experience has been me confronting the challenges to my ego in things not coming as easily as they have often in the past.  That's not to say that I think I am terrible at the activities that I have undertaken, but, there comes a time in any search for improvement or attempt to reach very challenging goals, where the quick and easy wins dry up and the real effort is required.  Make no mistake, there have been some days when I have been pushed beyond anything that I thought I was capable of physically or mentally in my attempts to reach my goals.  In doing so, I have achieved a goal of attainment.  By that I mean I have reached the extraordinary goals that I set myself.  I got down to 93kg and beyond.  I lost 50kg.  I competed in an MMA fight.  All this and more, where previously I have tried and failed over and over again when the going got tough.

I have lost as much as 40kg in the past.  But, I have never reached my goal weight.  Whether my goal weight is realistic or not, it was my goal.  I trained for over 18 months to compete at the Australian Indoor Rowing Championships.  Yes there were some factors that led to that opportunity disappearing, but, I made no attempt to seek out other, similar events, like the Australian Masters' games that did go ahead.  I competed at state and national levels in Rugby.  Played and won against touring international sides at was considered an elite athlete as a scholarship holder at the AIS.  But, when it came to making the transition into fully professional senior Rugby, when the real work would need to be done, I opted out. These and other challenges and goals I have let slip when the going got tough.  Not when it got hard.  I can do hard.  But, when it came time to bite down and break through the really solid barriers of the tough work.  The extra effort required to take a step beyond what is ordinary for the individual and excel, even in the context of what is extraordinary for just the person seeking to achieve the goal they have set before themselves.

I realise now that it has been the genuine mental toughness that I have lacked more than anything else.  Perhaps that is why I have engage with the aspects of MMA so deeply.  The journey to compete in MMA is above all else a mental one.  Somewhat unknowingly, I took on that aspect of the experience, only to embrace it when it became apparent.  Now that I have walked the full journey and competed in my first bout, I think that the realisation that I have actually seen through to completion all of the toughest challenges I have ever put before myself and done so successfully is what sees me take the most pride in what I have done.  I set difficult goals for myself and for the first time ever, I didn't find a way out when the going got tough.  I kept working harder to reach for the better me that I have been chasing all these years.  Please pardon the self indulgent pat on the back.

So what happens now?  I have always maintained that I am goal driven.  Even if now I understand that it has always been only to a point that left me less than fulfilled in the past.  Now that I have done what I really set out to achieve and more, what next?

I went for a run today.  It's been 3 days since I competed.  I'm still working out a lot of the what next things that are swimming around in my head.  One thing I admit to is being petrified about is putting on weight.  Scared in the good way that makes me believe that it is just not going to happen this time.  I am still hopping on the scales every day.  I am still keeping a food diary.  I just need to work out what normal, healthy eating to sustain my weight and lifestyle looks like for me now.  I have armed my mind with the tools I need to work this out and I have made the important choice to use them.  Part of the point of going for a run today was to do something that I know is good for me, but, that I really don't enjoy at all.  I just don't like running for the sake of it.  I need a purpose.  Today it was really about opening up my mind to thinking about doing the things I know I need to that will keep me where I am today.  That is to say, happy.  The things that are hard.  You know what....I got in there and I did it.

I start back into what I guess will be a slightly modified training regime as of tomorrow.  Different in so much as it will not be at the intensity or frequency that it has been for the last month and a half.  News that has come as welcome relief to my beautiful, long suffering wife.  Will it lead me to the competition mats again?  At this stage I am not sure.  Having said that, I watched the video of my fight for the first time last night and it gave me a completely different perspective.  Although obviously I still view it through somewhat of a subjective lens, the aspects of my performance of which I had been so intensely critical of myself about, did not look so bad when I viewed them from a distance.  It gave me some confidence that I might not be as completely amateur as I had written myself off to be.  I will never be a world beater, but, there might just be a place where I fit in.  There is a part of me that can see a win in my future, even if it is just in my minds eye for now.  I feel like I have some first hand experience in what it might take to earn it now too.

In terms of actual goals to keep me going for now, I have been at this since February.  My first goal is to be at this new healthy place in February next year.  From there, I have set myself a goal to keep the weight off until this time next year.  At that time I can sign up for an overseas study of people who have sustained significant weight loss for over 12 months called the National Weight Control Register.  They collect information about what makes people successful in maintaining the weight loss they have achieved through their hard work.  The site both collects and shares the most successful methods in these endeavours.  Resources that I plan to take advantage of and hopefully contribute to in the future.  Longer still, I hope to mark many more years of living light heavy!

Week 31 - Crisis Averted

Multiple meanings from the title of this post.  Last week I suffered somewhat of a crisis of confidence in relation to hitting my target weight for the impending event this Sunday.  Inexplicably, for the preceding two weeks, my weight loss had stalled completely.  I was pretty concerned about it to be honest.  Having said that, perhaps equally unexplainable has been the turnaround this week.

On Saturday morning at my usual daily weigh in I recorded 97.3 kg.  Bearing in mind that my scales weigh about 600-700 grams over I was sitting at 96.7 kg.  A full 3-3.5kg off the target weight to compete at light heavyweight.  Now there are ways and means of dropping that much weight quickly that of course are not sustainable.  The big thing in my mind was that they essentially involve differing levels of dehydration.  Given that doing so can impact on your physical performance and that I have no guarantee of enough time to rehydrate, this was quite a disheartening prospect looming on the horizon.  That and the thought of missing weight and having to compete against guys in the heavyweight division who could be anything up to 10+ kg heavier than me.  Not so appealing.

Bring on Sunday morning and although I had done 4-5 hours mat time on the Saturday, I had eaten accordingly and it had not been that physically taxing so much as mentally challenging in maintaining focus on Coach Richie's latest seminar at Synergy.  So I figured that nothing much would change on the scales.  How wrong I was.

Having been 97.3kg on my scales the day before, I registered 94.9kg on the Sunday...To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I hadn't seen anything under 96.0kg before.  What is even better is that this loss has been maintained and improved upon.  As of this morning I was sitting at 94.1kg on my scales.  The critical thinker in me puts it down to being strong and consistent in my diet and being owed that number after the last few weeks.  The more spiritual side of me says that I've been looked after.  Either way, I feel an enormous weight (pardon the pun) has been lifted and I am now free to focus on the other aspects of this weekend.

I visited my dietician this week.  I made the appointment with the view that at this time, I will be the fittest and leanest that I may potentially ever be.  Based on that, I wanted a measure of the fruits of my labours.  Some advice on pre and post weigh in diets and what a maintenance plan in terms of my food might look like were also on the agenda.  I was very, very pleased with all aspects of the visit and the outcomes.

I weighed in on the super duper proper scales at 93.6kg.  That means a few things.  I make weight for the competition and I am now living light heavy!  Important to me also were my skinfolds measurements.  Using the chart below as I have done before for context, last visit my total measurement was 59.8mm.  This snuck me into the excellent range for male athletes.  Yesterday's measurements totalled 43.8mm.  This puts me right near the top of the same range.  Gotta be happy with that right!

Yes I am very happy with the outcome.  Let's unpack it a little further though.  At the level of body fat that I have, for every kilo of weight that I lose that is fat, I should see 5mm drop from my skinfolds results.  Anything less than that and there is some muscle loss to go with the fat.  Assuming a 15mm loss of skinfolds in my case, the best result I could hope for in terms of muscle retention would have been to weigh in at around 97kg give or take.  Given I was 3.5kg under that, it stands to reason that I also lost that amount in muscle.  That is not unexpected as at my last visit, my dietician explained that to reach my goal weight would involve some muscle loss as I just didn't have enough body fat to lose to get there.  I guess the system works.  There is a little tolerance in there for human fudge factor in so much as the measurements are taken by a person, not a machine and there is some variability as a result.  Having said that, my dietician does everything to maintain a level of consistency in the process, by marking out the different points with a tape measure based on different bone structures on my body.  Bearing in mind that my bones don't change in scale or position (generally).  As a yardstick, I am satisfied that it is a good measure of my progress.  Ongoing, one of my challenges will be to put on a little muscle weight whilst maintaining similar body fat levels.  But, that is another story.

You may remember from my first post - The Magic Number - that competing in some form of Mixed Martial Arts was the method to my madness in trying to get fit and healthy.  Reaching a goal weight of 93kg was at the centre of it all.  I dropped another couple of hundred grams this morning, putting me at 93.4kg as best as I can tell.  I have reached my goal and as my first post suggests, I feel completely uplifted by it.  What remains is to complete the MMA journey on Sunday.  I have taken so much from the experiences along the way that, contrary to what I expected, I am not feeling a lot of pressure or placing expectations on myself.  I have, with the help of so many people along the way, changed myself, grown and met my goals.  I have dived deep into the well of what competing in a combat sport means to me and I know that I have already had the victory that matters most to me.  That leaves me with a couple of things remaining to experience.  I get to become the 'Man in the Arena', a topic on which I have written more than once and I get to measure myself with no strings attached.  That is the gift which my opponent\s will give to me and I to them.  To see how we stack up after having worked so hard.  Better or worse than my opponent\s, win or lose, I will be measured.  Nothing like direct feedback at the cold face!  An exciting prospect in of itself.

The plan from here?  Keep a close watch on my diet for the next few days.  Execute my pre match day diet plan.  Weigh in, victorious at that moment.  From there, get on the mats and throw down, knowing that at that moment, I AM the best I can be!

Week 30 - Things Are Heating Up

Well that's a first, I completely overlooked writing my post for the week.  I  put it down to the head full of stuff I have at the moment.  I am sure you can understand and forgive me.  Right now I am a little over a week out from my competition and I can sense changes going on in my head.  No doubt entirely appropriate when you list some of them.  Do I have time to make weight?  How's my fitness?  How to train to prepare but avoid injury?  Plenty of others too.  I think the challenge is to sort,  prioritise and focus on gaining clarity on those that are important and relevant and ditching the rest.  I have some time and space on my hands this week so I'm still feeling good about it all.

Weight this week really hit a roadblock.  I lost nothing at all and that really did my head in for a day or so.  I am starting to believe that it is more than just a plateau and is in all reality my body having reached it's limit as far as weight loss goes.  At least in terms of my current  methods.   I don't have the time now to mix it up, so  it's a matter of  working with what I've got.  It leaves me with a pretty tough challenge of dropping 2-4kg to make weight depending on how I fare in the next week.  I have plans in place and will do everything I can short of setting myself up to be completely wasted in the effort and unable to perform.  There are some sensible strategies I can employ to make weight.  If it was 24 hours between weigh in and competition I would hold no concerns.  Switch that to 2-3 hours and you have a completely different story.  This week will have a fair amount of time devoted to finalising the plan of attack on this front.  As with all aspects of this endeavour, I can only do everything in my power to make it happen.  After that, the result is not something I have the final say in.  Let the fun begin!

There's nothing of significant worth to fill the partially blank page I am staring at right now.  I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.  In some respects all those thoughts floating around in my head I mentioned before are clouding things, however, I'm not massively concerned about that at present because I know it takes me a while to process things and to be fair, there are some things looming large that it's reasonable to expect deserve a good amount of thought.  The potential realisation of the significant goals of weight loss and competing in Mixed Martial Arts at the same time is immense.  Also, this sport of MMA I have found to be a remarkably emotional experience.  Both in terms of myself as an individual and towards that of the people that I have met, trained with and so many that have helped me along the way.  I'm not sure I want or would be able to articulate it all even from the perspective of doing it justice.  I guess time will tell how that works out.

Short and sweet this week.  No point in padding things out unnecessarily.  Maybe things will flow better next week!

Week 29 - What On Earth Are We Doing To Ourselves

I am still in the race to make weight at the moment.  A 700 gram point in time loss on the scales, but, perhaps more surprisingly, a full 1 kg average loss over the week.  Very encouraging.  My hard work in this area appears to be paying off.  Can I win the race?  I guess time will tell.  With about two and a half weeks to go, I am getting close, without being terribly confident.  Perhaps I just don't want to jinx myself.

I did try a 1 day trial of a pre match day diet that my Dietician gave me this week.  It was relatively straightforward and left me with a good amount of energy the next day.  I will dive into it a little more deeply in a future post, but, suffice to say, it was remarkably effective in terms of dropping weight in a single day.  In the 24 hours between weighing myself, the difference in my weight was a 1.8kg drop!  That is not a drop that would stick so to speak and it would be just targeting a point in time, pre-competition weigh in, but, pretty amazing really.  Not something I would do all the time, as it was not nutritionally sound in the long run.  But, there was nothing wrong with it for a single day and it would be suitable the day before competing.  I am going to give it another try next week and will perhaps dive more deeply into it here then.

Turning to a bit of nutritionally based social commentary now.  I have long believed that particularly western societies have been allowing themselves to be poisoned and slowly killed by the pervasive nature of unhealthy foods and their profit hungry manufacturers.  Food is not even the word I use to describe that class of consumable item these days.  The documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead coined the phrase that I use now, 'food like products'.  Let's face it, what natural food comes in the shape of a pringle?  But, for me at least, there is more to it than that.  Like cigarettes or excessive alcohol (let's face it excessive anything!), eating these things is very, very bad for us.  There's just no good to it.  To the point of being so bad that it can lead to health conditions associated with being overweight or obese that kill us.  How is it that we allow these artificial food like products to be so pervasive?

An interesting article on a blog I have never heard of came across my path this week via someone that trains where I do.  It's worth a read and you can do so here - LINKY.  The article illustrates quite well what we are confronted with every time we walk into the supermarket.  Aisle after aisle of food like products that have had millions of dollars between them spent on making us want to buy them, over and over again.  None of them nutritious or good for us in any way.  I don't drink or smoke.  Never have.  My biggest problem in terms of my health has always been, like many I suspect, my weakness towards food like products that I know are bad for me.  I have paid the price with years of being overweight and/or obese.  Years of being genuinely more than unhappy, sad, grumpy and generally less than what I could have been.  This from a supposedly educated man, who, in demographic terms should be at the top of the spectrum.  That's one big point isn't it.  We're supposedly pretty smart, or at least we like to think so.  So why is it that we do it to ourselves?

A sad reality of what this scenario can mean when magnified to an extreme level was made clear to me last year when I travelled to the Northern Territory on a work trip.  I was fortunate enough to travel to Bathurst Island.  There I visited one of the Indigenous communities that has staff from my work in it that my work area is responsible for supporting.  There are various government programs in place within the community.  One of which is called the Community Store.  Part of a broader initiative to provide a supermarket like store for the local community.  A positive, harmless initiative on the surface of it.  But, what I saw was a knock on effect that I would not have ever expected.

Ponder this for a moment.  When confronted with a supermarket full of healthy foods interspersed with food like products, none of which you have been exposed to whilst growing up, what do you think might happen?  From what I understand, what did happen was that the local people didn't know what to do with things like vegetables, cans or any other of foods that might make up a consistently healthy diet.  It was not in the frame of their experiences.  They were out of context for the people.  As a result, they chose to take advantage easily accessible prepackaged food like products.  What does this scenario add up to?  Chronic diabetes.

There is a specialist renal unit on the island, servicing a population of around 1,500 people.  The kidney issues created through poor diet choices and the resulting diabetes are so problematic that it is a necessity for the highly specialised services to be hosted on the island.  Subsequent programs around making healthy food choices, how to prepare the foods available in the community store and a more appropriate range of products are now in place.  The food like products are still there, but, they are less prevalent and their product placement is such that they are inherently less appealing.  But, seriously, is that not just an appalling example of our consumption driven, self indulgent madness!  That's before I even dive into the self righteousness of our cane toad like cultural insertion of our values into the very same community that this also represents.  However, that is an entirely different thread of social commentary...

So what is my point?  I'm mad that we accept the consumerism based on our own greed that deems it acceptable to mass produce products that are simply just not any good for us.  So detrimental to our health that we are regularly confronted by statistics telling us how overweight and obese we are in our self proclaimed successful society.  It bugs me ok....I got sucked in....did you?  I declare here and now that I will not be sucked in again.  Not to the point where I backslide into obesity.  I'm not perfect and will eat food like products from time to time in the future I am sure.  But damned if I won't be putting in a great deal of thought into what I buy and fuel my body with from here on out.  I am choosing food.  Real food.  What about you?

Week 28 - An Amazing Insight

Again I was almost at a loss for something to write about this week and had completely forgotten about writing tonight until just now!  Which is absolutely extraordinary given how close I am to my competition and everything that is going on around that.  I guess that there are parts of that process that are still being worked through in my head without anything ready to be articulated in a meaningful sense.  There's plenty of time for that to come.

I have been really concentrating on 'eating clean' as I call it for the past couple of weeks as I know it is a serious challenge for me to make the weight required for my competition.  That magic number is still looming large over me.  I feel as though the work I have been putting in on the diet and nutrition front is really paying dividends.   This week's spot check weigh in saw me hit 96.7kg.  Astonishing really that at this stage I can see an 800 gram loss in the week.  To top that off even more, my average weight dropped by 900 grams in the week.  It is the largest single week loss I have seen in both measures since week 20.  Very encouraging indeed.  I cannot say it has not required an enormous amount of discipline and thought, but, now is the time for such things.  This is a pretty serious endeavour for me at this point after all.  If I am going to be the best me I can be on that day in September, then I have to end each day being able to look in the mirror and know that I have done absolutely everything I could have in that day to be successful.  Even if that means that the best thing on that day was to rest.  Isn't that right coach?

Adding to the desire to achieve my immediate goals, the thought occurred to me over the past few days that right now is the fittest, leanest and most disciplined I have ever been, period.  I may not have the athleticism of my youth and could surely not perform the physical feats I could back then.  But, I am at a point now where for the first time I actually have a chance to be 'the best me I can be'.  In mind, body and spirit.  A deeply meaningful opportunity that I am both grateful for and proud of, even though the end is only in sight and not achieved.  In reality though, with the work I put in each and every day, I feel like it is true every time I wake up at the moment.  Each day, I am the best I can be on that day.  Exciting or what?

I came across a video today that lead me to a whole series based on a UFC fighter named Alistair Overeem.  He is a man that I have admired and been somewhat puzzled by at the same time.  He is a singularly impressive specimen of physicality and his performances in competition can be almost breathtaking at times (as they have been for many of his opponents I am sure).  The puzzling aspects from my perspective are no doubt more to do with only having an outsiders understanding on his last fight.  Me being completely ignorant of what his world is like.

The video I have embedded below I found to be an absolutely absorbing insight into what he went through in his latest UFC fight.  One that he was heavily favoured to win, but, lost.  It is perhaps his candid openness to have the before and after footage presented like this that left me so enthralled.  It also gave me a fantastic look at what someone in his position goes through.  I found it to be well worth the 20 minutes investment.

It is episode 3 of what looks to be a documentary series made on Alistair.  I highly recommend watching Episode 4 that was released only today as well.  It goes through his efforts towards his latest match, looming large on the horizon.  Absolutely engaging!  For me anyway.  To let the world in like that.  Amazing.

*edit - Changed the embedded video to THIS LINK as I imagine the autoplay will annoy people who visit the page.  So follow THE LINK to watch the video.  Post script to it is that he lost his latest fight on the weekend just gone.....*

Week 27 - A New Door Opens

It's getting closer to my competition date and weight has become an even hotter topic than usual as it's starting to develop into a closely run race.  95kg is the target with a view to dropping water weight for the remainder as I have no doubt explained before.  My single point in time best morning weigh in this week was 97.5.  I saw lower on the scales after training sessions, but, that is of course not the point.  It represents a drop of 600 grams and my average for the week at 98.8 also fell by the same amount.  I felt good on the day at 97.5 which is important because I need to know what weight I am at whereby I still feel like my physical performance will be spot on to compete.  Four and a half weeks to go and the weight race is heating up.

This week my coach gave me yet another book to read!  You think he'd know by now that I only read books for him....I guess he does, doesn't he...  The book is called "Zen in the Martial Arts" and it is written by Joe Hyams, who I was saddened to read passed away in 2008.

Well, it may not be a big statement in considering the actual volume of books that I have read, but, suffice to say, this one is way, way up there on my list of best books.  Whilst reading it, I was trapped in a desperate struggle with myself.  Half of me wanted to ravenously consume every word as quickly as possible.  The other half wanted to read each one of the short sections individually, then put the book to rest for a week or two while I considered the meaning and impact.  I don't think there was a chapter in it that did not resonate with me in some way.

In answer to the internal struggle of how best to read the book, I compromised.  I spread out the process over a few days.  Each time I read a section, I forced myself to put the book down for an indeterminate period of time to contemplate what I had just read.  The approach satisfied neither side of the struggle fully, but, it was the best I could do at the time.  I know it is a book that I will be reading many times.  This allows me now to take a patient approach on later passes through its pages.  A process I am very much looking forward to undertaking.

So, what's the big deal?  As with every movie, book or form of artistic expression more broadly, appeal is subjective and this may not be everyone's cup of tea.  For me, the concepts it relayed were just so readily identifiable with aspects of my own experiences and thoughts.  Even those for which I had until this point not allowed myself to fully explore or even tried to label.  It appealed to the intellectual and spiritual parts of me in equal measure.  I am a man of faith and there are some challenging aspects to exploring some of the concepts in the book in terms of my existing beliefs.  However, I am convinced that none of them are unresolvable and are actually quite complimentary when attempting to dive into the complexity of the human condition.

Perhaps the reason that I have identified so much with what is in the book is that over the past 12-18 months, I have experience a lot of personal growth.  You might even say that I have finally come close to growing up, which is interesting to think about as I close in on 40 at a speed approaching that of light more so than sound.  The personal growth has all been internal for the main, but, has directly impacted outwardly how I interact with people and life in general.  I realise now that my weight loss has been a part of this process, as the deep seated unhappiness I felt whilst overweight was a real roadblock to any sort of growth.  This book has offered me a pathway to progress that journey and reassured me that my Martial Arts can also continue to be a great vehicle for this endeavour.

In terms of what it is all actually about....well it's all pretty much in the title.  It is a collection of snippets from the author's perspective of his various Martial Arts masters' teachings of aspects of Zen Buddhism and how they can be applied to the practice of Martial Arts and life more broadly.  Now before my beautiful wife runs off screaming, I am not converting to Buddhism in the same way as I didn't convert to Islam when I studied it at University nearly 20 years ago.  I do appreciate critically however, the opportunity and methods of self reflection and discovery that some of the principles explained present and how they might be applied to continuing to improve and grow myself.  I'll repeat that this is of course all subjective and whilst the book spoke to me, it may be devoid of meaning to a lot of people.  But, that is ok too.

An example of how I related directly to the messages in the book is captured in the image below that I put together today.  When I say I put it together, I found what I thought was a superbly meaningful and appropriate image on the internet and added the quote from one of the pages of the book over the top in an editing program with a view to sticking it up in my office in direct line of sight.  I am entirely devoid of artistic creativity and it is in no way possible that I could have produced the image myself.  But, I know what I like!  I have many images up on my positivity wall at work.  Some inspiring words that are scientifically proven to engender positivity here and there too.  This one has taken the prime slot on the wall.

Click me to make me bigger

Part of the philosophy I have developed over recent months has been centred on maintaining a positive outlook.  I allow myself to vent periodically as I think that it is important.  But, when that need has been satisfied, I like to acknowledge the aspects of those issues that have led to the vent, put them to one side and take up a positive course of action.  That is my approach when challenges, difficult or aggravating confront me.  More broadly I keep my mind in a positive place as much as I have the discipline to maintain.  I'm pleased to say that with practice that discipline has increased over time.  That's not to say it is necessarily hard work all the time.  Sometimes it is natural and effortless.  However, there are occasions where conscious effort is required to maintain a positive mindset for the benefit of others and myself and it goes without saying that I am not always successful.  I can say that the approach has made my life better without question.  At least in my own mind.

Of course there is far more to it all than that, but, I think you can get an idea from that and the image here of what I mean.  My beautiful wife, the one who knows me best, will no doubt read this at some stage and hopefully she will have seen the changes too.  Even if in the daily routines of life, the gradual nature of the changes over time has left them somewhat indistinguishable.

As late as yesterday I really thought that I had nothing to write about this week.  Opening up like this in some ways makes me wish I was still in that place.  This post is confronting like last week, but, in a completely different way.  All good for growth I guess.