Week 33 - Lengthening The Line

A different kind of week this one.  I watched my weight and what I ate, but, not with the intense scrutiny that I have applied in recent memory, or indeed since February.  To be honest, I am somewhat rudderless as I seek out a new direction with regards to what weight I want to maintain and how I maintain it.  I also figure that two relaxed weeks are probably ok.  The fact that we are moving house, which has left our lives in a special kind of chaos has let me just no sweat the small stuff for this week at least.  I will have the capacity to refocus on things very soon and am looking forward to it.

So, I am going to be brave again and post links to the footage of my fight.  It was taken by my coach's wife and she's done a fantastic job with her phone, capturing great images of the highlights that I remember and plenty that I don't.  By way of brief commentary.  The first round is where I think my opponent won the fight on the judges scorecard.  He held dominant positions on the ground and had more scoring strikes with very good counter punching.  Just for everyone's info, he hit like a truck.  He was significantly more muscular and stronger than me as will be evident where he ragdolls me part way through that first round.  The highlight for me being in the dying seconds of the round where I reverse the position on the ground and end up in a beautiful side control.......Just as the end of the round sounds.  Yay me!

The second round was more interesting from my perspective in so much as I landed a few strikes of my own, as well as wore some big ones I will add.  I'd argue that I got the best punch in the fight around the 50 second mark right before it went to the ground again.  I finished the round off in a position to submit, but again, through time running out and an incomplete technique the round ends before the submission is finished!  My comment on both rounds would be, I really needed 5 minute rounds.  My cardio was better and I think I might have come away with the cash so to speak if they had been.  Having said that, they weren't and I knew that going in.  In my mind, the better performer won the fight and I am thrilled with having had the opportunity to compete against him, having taken to the full distance a man who was bigger, stronger and half my age, as well as with a number of things about my own performance.

I'm not sure how long I will leave the videos up.  Maybe for a couple of weeks because a few people have asked to see them.  So here they are...

NSWAMMA - 08-09-2013 - Round 1

NSWAMMA - 08-09-2013 - Round 2

Reflecting on the footage, but, more importantly the thought processes during and since the event, I found my mind turning back to the book I recently read and referred to in an earlier post - Zen in the Martial Arts.  In it there is a chapter called "Lengthen Your Line", that discusses the author's frustration at being soundly beaten in a competitive sparring session by a more skilled opponent.  I remember back to a similar session where I was completely outdone by one of my training partners in a similar fashion.  I am pleased to report that the concepts in this chapter reflect a principle that I already apply to my training.

In the book the author's coach\master at the time counselled him after the session, enquiring initially as to why he was so frustrated.  Upon learning the reason was that he had been outmatched by his opponent, the teacher drew a chalk line on the floor representing the skill level of the opponent.  He then asked the author what he could do about shortening the line in order to be more competitive.  They went back and forth for a bit with suggestions until the teacher drew a second line on the floor, this one longer than the first.  He went on to give a very wise and gentle lesson to the author extolling the virtue of lengthening one's own line, rather than attempting to shorten that of others.  He used the following words:

"It is always better to improve and strengthen your own line or knowledge than to try and cut your opponent's line"

I couldn't agree more.  Just as I went back and increased my resolve and effort towards improving the areas of my competitive martial arts that were exposed in training previously, I intend to go back to the mats and focus even more on those things in my fight that either allowed my opponent to gain an advantage because of my lack of skill, or indeed could have won me the match had I been more proficient.  It so happens that half of that equation is still the area that I have been working on since the last time I tried to lengthen my line.  However, I am pleased to say that, whilst I still have a long way to go, I feel like I have added a couple of centimetres to it over the past few months.  I look forward to continuing to work hard in that fashion.

Week 32 - Goals and Milestones

Where to begin?  A few days ago, I competed in my first Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) event.  It was the culmination of 31 weeks worth of thought, preparation and hard work.  The fight experience itself was everything I expected and more.  Above even that, reaching the supremely challenging goals that I had set myself has proven to be tremendously rewarding.

At the start of February this year, I weighed in at 121.1kg.  To compete at light heavyweight I needed to be 93kg.  I weighed in last Sunday morning at 91.95kg.  Surpassing even my own expectations.  That was after eating a good breakfast, fuelling me for the day's action to come.  Whilst my weight was artificially lower than the day before by 2kg, I didn't have to dramatically lose weight for the weigh in.  A process known as 'cutting weight'.  I walked around happy and healthy on the day, full of energy having adopted a simple, but, nutritionally sound and sustaining pre match day diet.  One happy aside from the day was that as much as I have dispersed with any thoughts of the Body Mass Index (BMI) being relevant, I was in the healthy range even on that scale as out of proportion as it is.  On that front, I permanently thumb my nose at the BMI and any hold it ever had over me.  I am no longer a statistic on the news in the obesity epidemic articles, whatever the measure they choose to use.

Another somewhat secret goal of mine was also reached.  From the days where I was at my heaviest, I am now 50kg lighter.  30kg of that I have lost since February.  The remainder in previous 'failed' weight loss attempts.  It was a goal linked with the BMI as it also coincided with the afore mentioned drop into the healthy range.  Both boxes now well and truly ticked!

I set a goal to challenge myself in a competitive MMA bout.  On Sunday just gone, I met this challenge also.  This perhaps above all else was a journey of the body, mind and spirit.  I have taken so much from the people and process involved in stepping onto that competition mat, ready to face whoever was in front of me, that I'm not sure whether I put it at least on the same level as my weight and health goals, or even a little above.  There is an expression that I have heard, and no doubt mentioned here previously.  Combat sports are the antithesis of chess.  In chess there are many players with very few experts.  In the world of combat sports, there are many experts, but, very few people willing to step up and play.  I can understand why.  The intense emotions that you go through and even just the internal dialogue that goes through you mind in order to answer the starting bell was something that I will certainly never forget.  I may have lost my match on the judges scorecard after going the distance with a man in a heavier weight category and nearly 20 years my junior, but, I can honestly say, I have never felt more like a winner.

One thing that I have to this point never shared is what this journey has meant to me in terms of goal attainment.  I have been someone that has found many things in life relatively easy at times.  I have been blessed with enough intelligence to get a good job to support my family, enough athleticism to find myself fairly capable in many of my chosen sports and enough common sense to walk a relatively straight path through life in general.  What I have found that this has resulted in me being a little more complacent and even somewhat lacking in what I would describe as character that I have been sometimes willing to admit.

You may remember my post entitled "The Biggest Guy in the Room" where I spoke about the challenges I was acknowledging in regards to the difficulty I was facing in remaining competitive in my MMA training whilst losing size and strength.  These two assets are great tools to have in physical pursuits and a big part of this whole experience has been me confronting the challenges to my ego in things not coming as easily as they have often in the past.  That's not to say that I think I am terrible at the activities that I have undertaken, but, there comes a time in any search for improvement or attempt to reach very challenging goals, where the quick and easy wins dry up and the real effort is required.  Make no mistake, there have been some days when I have been pushed beyond anything that I thought I was capable of physically or mentally in my attempts to reach my goals.  In doing so, I have achieved a goal of attainment.  By that I mean I have reached the extraordinary goals that I set myself.  I got down to 93kg and beyond.  I lost 50kg.  I competed in an MMA fight.  All this and more, where previously I have tried and failed over and over again when the going got tough.

I have lost as much as 40kg in the past.  But, I have never reached my goal weight.  Whether my goal weight is realistic or not, it was my goal.  I trained for over 18 months to compete at the Australian Indoor Rowing Championships.  Yes there were some factors that led to that opportunity disappearing, but, I made no attempt to seek out other, similar events, like the Australian Masters' games that did go ahead.  I competed at state and national levels in Rugby.  Played and won against touring international sides at was considered an elite athlete as a scholarship holder at the AIS.  But, when it came to making the transition into fully professional senior Rugby, when the real work would need to be done, I opted out. These and other challenges and goals I have let slip when the going got tough.  Not when it got hard.  I can do hard.  But, when it came time to bite down and break through the really solid barriers of the tough work.  The extra effort required to take a step beyond what is ordinary for the individual and excel, even in the context of what is extraordinary for just the person seeking to achieve the goal they have set before themselves.

I realise now that it has been the genuine mental toughness that I have lacked more than anything else.  Perhaps that is why I have engage with the aspects of MMA so deeply.  The journey to compete in MMA is above all else a mental one.  Somewhat unknowingly, I took on that aspect of the experience, only to embrace it when it became apparent.  Now that I have walked the full journey and competed in my first bout, I think that the realisation that I have actually seen through to completion all of the toughest challenges I have ever put before myself and done so successfully is what sees me take the most pride in what I have done.  I set difficult goals for myself and for the first time ever, I didn't find a way out when the going got tough.  I kept working harder to reach for the better me that I have been chasing all these years.  Please pardon the self indulgent pat on the back.

So what happens now?  I have always maintained that I am goal driven.  Even if now I understand that it has always been only to a point that left me less than fulfilled in the past.  Now that I have done what I really set out to achieve and more, what next?

I went for a run today.  It's been 3 days since I competed.  I'm still working out a lot of the what next things that are swimming around in my head.  One thing I admit to is being petrified about is putting on weight.  Scared in the good way that makes me believe that it is just not going to happen this time.  I am still hopping on the scales every day.  I am still keeping a food diary.  I just need to work out what normal, healthy eating to sustain my weight and lifestyle looks like for me now.  I have armed my mind with the tools I need to work this out and I have made the important choice to use them.  Part of the point of going for a run today was to do something that I know is good for me, but, that I really don't enjoy at all.  I just don't like running for the sake of it.  I need a purpose.  Today it was really about opening up my mind to thinking about doing the things I know I need to that will keep me where I am today.  That is to say, happy.  The things that are hard.  You know what....I got in there and I did it.

I start back into what I guess will be a slightly modified training regime as of tomorrow.  Different in so much as it will not be at the intensity or frequency that it has been for the last month and a half.  News that has come as welcome relief to my beautiful, long suffering wife.  Will it lead me to the competition mats again?  At this stage I am not sure.  Having said that, I watched the video of my fight for the first time last night and it gave me a completely different perspective.  Although obviously I still view it through somewhat of a subjective lens, the aspects of my performance of which I had been so intensely critical of myself about, did not look so bad when I viewed them from a distance.  It gave me some confidence that I might not be as completely amateur as I had written myself off to be.  I will never be a world beater, but, there might just be a place where I fit in.  There is a part of me that can see a win in my future, even if it is just in my minds eye for now.  I feel like I have some first hand experience in what it might take to earn it now too.

In terms of actual goals to keep me going for now, I have been at this since February.  My first goal is to be at this new healthy place in February next year.  From there, I have set myself a goal to keep the weight off until this time next year.  At that time I can sign up for an overseas study of people who have sustained significant weight loss for over 12 months called the National Weight Control Register.  They collect information about what makes people successful in maintaining the weight loss they have achieved through their hard work.  The site both collects and shares the most successful methods in these endeavours.  Resources that I plan to take advantage of and hopefully contribute to in the future.  Longer still, I hope to mark many more years of living light heavy!

Week 31 - Crisis Averted

Multiple meanings from the title of this post.  Last week I suffered somewhat of a crisis of confidence in relation to hitting my target weight for the impending event this Sunday.  Inexplicably, for the preceding two weeks, my weight loss had stalled completely.  I was pretty concerned about it to be honest.  Having said that, perhaps equally unexplainable has been the turnaround this week.

On Saturday morning at my usual daily weigh in I recorded 97.3 kg.  Bearing in mind that my scales weigh about 600-700 grams over I was sitting at 96.7 kg.  A full 3-3.5kg off the target weight to compete at light heavyweight.  Now there are ways and means of dropping that much weight quickly that of course are not sustainable.  The big thing in my mind was that they essentially involve differing levels of dehydration.  Given that doing so can impact on your physical performance and that I have no guarantee of enough time to rehydrate, this was quite a disheartening prospect looming on the horizon.  That and the thought of missing weight and having to compete against guys in the heavyweight division who could be anything up to 10+ kg heavier than me.  Not so appealing.

Bring on Sunday morning and although I had done 4-5 hours mat time on the Saturday, I had eaten accordingly and it had not been that physically taxing so much as mentally challenging in maintaining focus on Coach Richie's latest seminar at Synergy.  So I figured that nothing much would change on the scales.  How wrong I was.

Having been 97.3kg on my scales the day before, I registered 94.9kg on the Sunday...To say I was shocked is an understatement.  I hadn't seen anything under 96.0kg before.  What is even better is that this loss has been maintained and improved upon.  As of this morning I was sitting at 94.1kg on my scales.  The critical thinker in me puts it down to being strong and consistent in my diet and being owed that number after the last few weeks.  The more spiritual side of me says that I've been looked after.  Either way, I feel an enormous weight (pardon the pun) has been lifted and I am now free to focus on the other aspects of this weekend.

I visited my dietician this week.  I made the appointment with the view that at this time, I will be the fittest and leanest that I may potentially ever be.  Based on that, I wanted a measure of the fruits of my labours.  Some advice on pre and post weigh in diets and what a maintenance plan in terms of my food might look like were also on the agenda.  I was very, very pleased with all aspects of the visit and the outcomes.

I weighed in on the super duper proper scales at 93.6kg.  That means a few things.  I make weight for the competition and I am now living light heavy!  Important to me also were my skinfolds measurements.  Using the chart below as I have done before for context, last visit my total measurement was 59.8mm.  This snuck me into the excellent range for male athletes.  Yesterday's measurements totalled 43.8mm.  This puts me right near the top of the same range.  Gotta be happy with that right!

Yes I am very happy with the outcome.  Let's unpack it a little further though.  At the level of body fat that I have, for every kilo of weight that I lose that is fat, I should see 5mm drop from my skinfolds results.  Anything less than that and there is some muscle loss to go with the fat.  Assuming a 15mm loss of skinfolds in my case, the best result I could hope for in terms of muscle retention would have been to weigh in at around 97kg give or take.  Given I was 3.5kg under that, it stands to reason that I also lost that amount in muscle.  That is not unexpected as at my last visit, my dietician explained that to reach my goal weight would involve some muscle loss as I just didn't have enough body fat to lose to get there.  I guess the system works.  There is a little tolerance in there for human fudge factor in so much as the measurements are taken by a person, not a machine and there is some variability as a result.  Having said that, my dietician does everything to maintain a level of consistency in the process, by marking out the different points with a tape measure based on different bone structures on my body.  Bearing in mind that my bones don't change in scale or position (generally).  As a yardstick, I am satisfied that it is a good measure of my progress.  Ongoing, one of my challenges will be to put on a little muscle weight whilst maintaining similar body fat levels.  But, that is another story.

You may remember from my first post - The Magic Number - that competing in some form of Mixed Martial Arts was the method to my madness in trying to get fit and healthy.  Reaching a goal weight of 93kg was at the centre of it all.  I dropped another couple of hundred grams this morning, putting me at 93.4kg as best as I can tell.  I have reached my goal and as my first post suggests, I feel completely uplifted by it.  What remains is to complete the MMA journey on Sunday.  I have taken so much from the experiences along the way that, contrary to what I expected, I am not feeling a lot of pressure or placing expectations on myself.  I have, with the help of so many people along the way, changed myself, grown and met my goals.  I have dived deep into the well of what competing in a combat sport means to me and I know that I have already had the victory that matters most to me.  That leaves me with a couple of things remaining to experience.  I get to become the 'Man in the Arena', a topic on which I have written more than once and I get to measure myself with no strings attached.  That is the gift which my opponent\s will give to me and I to them.  To see how we stack up after having worked so hard.  Better or worse than my opponent\s, win or lose, I will be measured.  Nothing like direct feedback at the cold face!  An exciting prospect in of itself.

The plan from here?  Keep a close watch on my diet for the next few days.  Execute my pre match day diet plan.  Weigh in, victorious at that moment.  From there, get on the mats and throw down, knowing that at that moment, I AM the best I can be!

Week 30 - Things Are Heating Up

Well that's a first, I completely overlooked writing my post for the week.  I  put it down to the head full of stuff I have at the moment.  I am sure you can understand and forgive me.  Right now I am a little over a week out from my competition and I can sense changes going on in my head.  No doubt entirely appropriate when you list some of them.  Do I have time to make weight?  How's my fitness?  How to train to prepare but avoid injury?  Plenty of others too.  I think the challenge is to sort,  prioritise and focus on gaining clarity on those that are important and relevant and ditching the rest.  I have some time and space on my hands this week so I'm still feeling good about it all.

Weight this week really hit a roadblock.  I lost nothing at all and that really did my head in for a day or so.  I am starting to believe that it is more than just a plateau and is in all reality my body having reached it's limit as far as weight loss goes.  At least in terms of my current  methods.   I don't have the time now to mix it up, so  it's a matter of  working with what I've got.  It leaves me with a pretty tough challenge of dropping 2-4kg to make weight depending on how I fare in the next week.  I have plans in place and will do everything I can short of setting myself up to be completely wasted in the effort and unable to perform.  There are some sensible strategies I can employ to make weight.  If it was 24 hours between weigh in and competition I would hold no concerns.  Switch that to 2-3 hours and you have a completely different story.  This week will have a fair amount of time devoted to finalising the plan of attack on this front.  As with all aspects of this endeavour, I can only do everything in my power to make it happen.  After that, the result is not something I have the final say in.  Let the fun begin!

There's nothing of significant worth to fill the partially blank page I am staring at right now.  I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.  In some respects all those thoughts floating around in my head I mentioned before are clouding things, however, I'm not massively concerned about that at present because I know it takes me a while to process things and to be fair, there are some things looming large that it's reasonable to expect deserve a good amount of thought.  The potential realisation of the significant goals of weight loss and competing in Mixed Martial Arts at the same time is immense.  Also, this sport of MMA I have found to be a remarkably emotional experience.  Both in terms of myself as an individual and towards that of the people that I have met, trained with and so many that have helped me along the way.  I'm not sure I want or would be able to articulate it all even from the perspective of doing it justice.  I guess time will tell how that works out.

Short and sweet this week.  No point in padding things out unnecessarily.  Maybe things will flow better next week!

Week 29 - What On Earth Are We Doing To Ourselves

I am still in the race to make weight at the moment.  A 700 gram point in time loss on the scales, but, perhaps more surprisingly, a full 1 kg average loss over the week.  Very encouraging.  My hard work in this area appears to be paying off.  Can I win the race?  I guess time will tell.  With about two and a half weeks to go, I am getting close, without being terribly confident.  Perhaps I just don't want to jinx myself.

I did try a 1 day trial of a pre match day diet that my Dietician gave me this week.  It was relatively straightforward and left me with a good amount of energy the next day.  I will dive into it a little more deeply in a future post, but, suffice to say, it was remarkably effective in terms of dropping weight in a single day.  In the 24 hours between weighing myself, the difference in my weight was a 1.8kg drop!  That is not a drop that would stick so to speak and it would be just targeting a point in time, pre-competition weigh in, but, pretty amazing really.  Not something I would do all the time, as it was not nutritionally sound in the long run.  But, there was nothing wrong with it for a single day and it would be suitable the day before competing.  I am going to give it another try next week and will perhaps dive more deeply into it here then.

Turning to a bit of nutritionally based social commentary now.  I have long believed that particularly western societies have been allowing themselves to be poisoned and slowly killed by the pervasive nature of unhealthy foods and their profit hungry manufacturers.  Food is not even the word I use to describe that class of consumable item these days.  The documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead coined the phrase that I use now, 'food like products'.  Let's face it, what natural food comes in the shape of a pringle?  But, for me at least, there is more to it than that.  Like cigarettes or excessive alcohol (let's face it excessive anything!), eating these things is very, very bad for us.  There's just no good to it.  To the point of being so bad that it can lead to health conditions associated with being overweight or obese that kill us.  How is it that we allow these artificial food like products to be so pervasive?

An interesting article on a blog I have never heard of came across my path this week via someone that trains where I do.  It's worth a read and you can do so here - LINKY.  The article illustrates quite well what we are confronted with every time we walk into the supermarket.  Aisle after aisle of food like products that have had millions of dollars between them spent on making us want to buy them, over and over again.  None of them nutritious or good for us in any way.  I don't drink or smoke.  Never have.  My biggest problem in terms of my health has always been, like many I suspect, my weakness towards food like products that I know are bad for me.  I have paid the price with years of being overweight and/or obese.  Years of being genuinely more than unhappy, sad, grumpy and generally less than what I could have been.  This from a supposedly educated man, who, in demographic terms should be at the top of the spectrum.  That's one big point isn't it.  We're supposedly pretty smart, or at least we like to think so.  So why is it that we do it to ourselves?

A sad reality of what this scenario can mean when magnified to an extreme level was made clear to me last year when I travelled to the Northern Territory on a work trip.  I was fortunate enough to travel to Bathurst Island.  There I visited one of the Indigenous communities that has staff from my work in it that my work area is responsible for supporting.  There are various government programs in place within the community.  One of which is called the Community Store.  Part of a broader initiative to provide a supermarket like store for the local community.  A positive, harmless initiative on the surface of it.  But, what I saw was a knock on effect that I would not have ever expected.

Ponder this for a moment.  When confronted with a supermarket full of healthy foods interspersed with food like products, none of which you have been exposed to whilst growing up, what do you think might happen?  From what I understand, what did happen was that the local people didn't know what to do with things like vegetables, cans or any other of foods that might make up a consistently healthy diet.  It was not in the frame of their experiences.  They were out of context for the people.  As a result, they chose to take advantage easily accessible prepackaged food like products.  What does this scenario add up to?  Chronic diabetes.

There is a specialist renal unit on the island, servicing a population of around 1,500 people.  The kidney issues created through poor diet choices and the resulting diabetes are so problematic that it is a necessity for the highly specialised services to be hosted on the island.  Subsequent programs around making healthy food choices, how to prepare the foods available in the community store and a more appropriate range of products are now in place.  The food like products are still there, but, they are less prevalent and their product placement is such that they are inherently less appealing.  But, seriously, is that not just an appalling example of our consumption driven, self indulgent madness!  That's before I even dive into the self righteousness of our cane toad like cultural insertion of our values into the very same community that this also represents.  However, that is an entirely different thread of social commentary...

So what is my point?  I'm mad that we accept the consumerism based on our own greed that deems it acceptable to mass produce products that are simply just not any good for us.  So detrimental to our health that we are regularly confronted by statistics telling us how overweight and obese we are in our self proclaimed successful society.  It bugs me ok....I got sucked in....did you?  I declare here and now that I will not be sucked in again.  Not to the point where I backslide into obesity.  I'm not perfect and will eat food like products from time to time in the future I am sure.  But damned if I won't be putting in a great deal of thought into what I buy and fuel my body with from here on out.  I am choosing food.  Real food.  What about you?

Week 28 - An Amazing Insight

Again I was almost at a loss for something to write about this week and had completely forgotten about writing tonight until just now!  Which is absolutely extraordinary given how close I am to my competition and everything that is going on around that.  I guess that there are parts of that process that are still being worked through in my head without anything ready to be articulated in a meaningful sense.  There's plenty of time for that to come.

I have been really concentrating on 'eating clean' as I call it for the past couple of weeks as I know it is a serious challenge for me to make the weight required for my competition.  That magic number is still looming large over me.  I feel as though the work I have been putting in on the diet and nutrition front is really paying dividends.   This week's spot check weigh in saw me hit 96.7kg.  Astonishing really that at this stage I can see an 800 gram loss in the week.  To top that off even more, my average weight dropped by 900 grams in the week.  It is the largest single week loss I have seen in both measures since week 20.  Very encouraging indeed.  I cannot say it has not required an enormous amount of discipline and thought, but, now is the time for such things.  This is a pretty serious endeavour for me at this point after all.  If I am going to be the best me I can be on that day in September, then I have to end each day being able to look in the mirror and know that I have done absolutely everything I could have in that day to be successful.  Even if that means that the best thing on that day was to rest.  Isn't that right coach?

Adding to the desire to achieve my immediate goals, the thought occurred to me over the past few days that right now is the fittest, leanest and most disciplined I have ever been, period.  I may not have the athleticism of my youth and could surely not perform the physical feats I could back then.  But, I am at a point now where for the first time I actually have a chance to be 'the best me I can be'.  In mind, body and spirit.  A deeply meaningful opportunity that I am both grateful for and proud of, even though the end is only in sight and not achieved.  In reality though, with the work I put in each and every day, I feel like it is true every time I wake up at the moment.  Each day, I am the best I can be on that day.  Exciting or what?

I came across a video today that lead me to a whole series based on a UFC fighter named Alistair Overeem.  He is a man that I have admired and been somewhat puzzled by at the same time.  He is a singularly impressive specimen of physicality and his performances in competition can be almost breathtaking at times (as they have been for many of his opponents I am sure).  The puzzling aspects from my perspective are no doubt more to do with only having an outsiders understanding on his last fight.  Me being completely ignorant of what his world is like.

The video I have embedded below I found to be an absolutely absorbing insight into what he went through in his latest UFC fight.  One that he was heavily favoured to win, but, lost.  It is perhaps his candid openness to have the before and after footage presented like this that left me so enthralled.  It also gave me a fantastic look at what someone in his position goes through.  I found it to be well worth the 20 minutes investment.

It is episode 3 of what looks to be a documentary series made on Alistair.  I highly recommend watching Episode 4 that was released only today as well.  It goes through his efforts towards his latest match, looming large on the horizon.  Absolutely engaging!  For me anyway.  To let the world in like that.  Amazing.

*edit - Changed the embedded video to THIS LINK as I imagine the autoplay will annoy people who visit the page.  So follow THE LINK to watch the video.  Post script to it is that he lost his latest fight on the weekend just gone.....*

Week 27 - A New Door Opens

It's getting closer to my competition date and weight has become an even hotter topic than usual as it's starting to develop into a closely run race.  95kg is the target with a view to dropping water weight for the remainder as I have no doubt explained before.  My single point in time best morning weigh in this week was 97.5.  I saw lower on the scales after training sessions, but, that is of course not the point.  It represents a drop of 600 grams and my average for the week at 98.8 also fell by the same amount.  I felt good on the day at 97.5 which is important because I need to know what weight I am at whereby I still feel like my physical performance will be spot on to compete.  Four and a half weeks to go and the weight race is heating up.

This week my coach gave me yet another book to read!  You think he'd know by now that I only read books for him....I guess he does, doesn't he...  The book is called "Zen in the Martial Arts" and it is written by Joe Hyams, who I was saddened to read passed away in 2008.

Well, it may not be a big statement in considering the actual volume of books that I have read, but, suffice to say, this one is way, way up there on my list of best books.  Whilst reading it, I was trapped in a desperate struggle with myself.  Half of me wanted to ravenously consume every word as quickly as possible.  The other half wanted to read each one of the short sections individually, then put the book to rest for a week or two while I considered the meaning and impact.  I don't think there was a chapter in it that did not resonate with me in some way.

In answer to the internal struggle of how best to read the book, I compromised.  I spread out the process over a few days.  Each time I read a section, I forced myself to put the book down for an indeterminate period of time to contemplate what I had just read.  The approach satisfied neither side of the struggle fully, but, it was the best I could do at the time.  I know it is a book that I will be reading many times.  This allows me now to take a patient approach on later passes through its pages.  A process I am very much looking forward to undertaking.

So, what's the big deal?  As with every movie, book or form of artistic expression more broadly, appeal is subjective and this may not be everyone's cup of tea.  For me, the concepts it relayed were just so readily identifiable with aspects of my own experiences and thoughts.  Even those for which I had until this point not allowed myself to fully explore or even tried to label.  It appealed to the intellectual and spiritual parts of me in equal measure.  I am a man of faith and there are some challenging aspects to exploring some of the concepts in the book in terms of my existing beliefs.  However, I am convinced that none of them are unresolvable and are actually quite complimentary when attempting to dive into the complexity of the human condition.

Perhaps the reason that I have identified so much with what is in the book is that over the past 12-18 months, I have experience a lot of personal growth.  You might even say that I have finally come close to growing up, which is interesting to think about as I close in on 40 at a speed approaching that of light more so than sound.  The personal growth has all been internal for the main, but, has directly impacted outwardly how I interact with people and life in general.  I realise now that my weight loss has been a part of this process, as the deep seated unhappiness I felt whilst overweight was a real roadblock to any sort of growth.  This book has offered me a pathway to progress that journey and reassured me that my Martial Arts can also continue to be a great vehicle for this endeavour.

In terms of what it is all actually about....well it's all pretty much in the title.  It is a collection of snippets from the author's perspective of his various Martial Arts masters' teachings of aspects of Zen Buddhism and how they can be applied to the practice of Martial Arts and life more broadly.  Now before my beautiful wife runs off screaming, I am not converting to Buddhism in the same way as I didn't convert to Islam when I studied it at University nearly 20 years ago.  I do appreciate critically however, the opportunity and methods of self reflection and discovery that some of the principles explained present and how they might be applied to continuing to improve and grow myself.  I'll repeat that this is of course all subjective and whilst the book spoke to me, it may be devoid of meaning to a lot of people.  But, that is ok too.

An example of how I related directly to the messages in the book is captured in the image below that I put together today.  When I say I put it together, I found what I thought was a superbly meaningful and appropriate image on the internet and added the quote from one of the pages of the book over the top in an editing program with a view to sticking it up in my office in direct line of sight.  I am entirely devoid of artistic creativity and it is in no way possible that I could have produced the image myself.  But, I know what I like!  I have many images up on my positivity wall at work.  Some inspiring words that are scientifically proven to engender positivity here and there too.  This one has taken the prime slot on the wall.

Click me to make me bigger

Part of the philosophy I have developed over recent months has been centred on maintaining a positive outlook.  I allow myself to vent periodically as I think that it is important.  But, when that need has been satisfied, I like to acknowledge the aspects of those issues that have led to the vent, put them to one side and take up a positive course of action.  That is my approach when challenges, difficult or aggravating confront me.  More broadly I keep my mind in a positive place as much as I have the discipline to maintain.  I'm pleased to say that with practice that discipline has increased over time.  That's not to say it is necessarily hard work all the time.  Sometimes it is natural and effortless.  However, there are occasions where conscious effort is required to maintain a positive mindset for the benefit of others and myself and it goes without saying that I am not always successful.  I can say that the approach has made my life better without question.  At least in my own mind.

Of course there is far more to it all than that, but, I think you can get an idea from that and the image here of what I mean.  My beautiful wife, the one who knows me best, will no doubt read this at some stage and hopefully she will have seen the changes too.  Even if in the daily routines of life, the gradual nature of the changes over time has left them somewhat indistinguishable.

As late as yesterday I really thought that I had nothing to write about this week.  Opening up like this in some ways makes me wish I was still in that place.  This post is confronting like last week, but, in a completely different way.  All good for growth I guess.

Week 26 - Time to Reflect I Guess

A good week on the scales this time.  I recorded a 700 gram loss at the lowest weigh in for the week as well as a 600 gram average loss.  For the first time my average weight for the whole week was under 100kg!  Cue happy dance promised last week....  At 99.4kg, it was well under at that.  Interestingly, after a training session this week, I weighed in to check what sort of rehydration I needed to undertake and I registered 96.7kg!  Obviously that meant a fair bit of water to take in, but, it also shocked me at just how low that number presented.  It is good in so much as it gives me an indication of what water I have available to me to lose, but, blew me away at the same time.  Given that my scales way over half a kilo over as far as I know, realistically, I was closer to the 96kg mark.  Encouraging to know that I have 5 weeks before weigh in and I am getting close.

Week 26, as the title says, means that I have now been at this for 6 months.  I have to say that the time has flown.  I guess I must have been enjoying it too much!  6 months....it does lend itself to one pausing to reflect on the journey travelled thus far.  So please indulge me to go through some of the highlights to this point.  I don't want it to be a bragging exercise.  More an exercise in positive reinforcement.  A statement that says, you know what, keep on truckin' because what you are doing is going ok.

The story so far:

• Weight
• Start 121.1kg (Feb 2013)
• Today 98.1kg (-23kg)
• - 43.9kg from all time high weight (142kg as far as I know, a few years back. Come close to that since then too.)
• 17.5% body weight lost in the past 6 months (33.3% from all time heaviest)
• Measurements
• Chest - 108cm (-13.5cm)
• Waist - 94cm (-25.0cm)
• Hips - 103cm (-16.0cm)
• Some things I have done for the first time along the way
• Let's just put MMA down as one big one with more to come!
• Chinups (5+)
• Pullups (5+)
• Rope climb floor to ceiling (biggest smile ever)
• Headstand (1+ minute)
• Handstand (1+ minute)
• Reverse wall walk to handstand (2 minutes)
• 3 minute bridge (had some to give but time was up!)
• 40 pushups in 1 minute
• Tons more than I can list here.

Now here is where I get a bit brave.  Then and now photos.  The before and after if you will.  My coach asked me if I had any photos of me before, even from earlier this year.  The answer for most overweight people is no.  For me it is very, very few.  Those were all taken under duress.  To this day it is not something I am even remotely comfortable with.  I imagine it is the self image issues that come with being overweight all of your life.

I am going to put myself out there a bit with a few images.  Click on them if you dare to make them bigger....not that I can get any bigger in them....I don't know if I have any from when I was my biggest at 142kg.  Having said that, I am not sure that I am not at least that in some of these because scales were not something I frequented in those days.

I have training early tomorrow so as an excuse to run away now, it's as good as any.  Maybe I will even come back and post something next week if I can face it.  So here we go.....

December 2008

October 2004

January 2011 

Today

Week 25 - An Exercise of the Mind - Part 2

Let's start with an interesting week on the scales.  A few points of note.  Weigh in bottomed out at 98.8kg.  First time in the 98s.  Only dropped 200 grams in that space.  My average weight was 100kg on the nose.  I was busting to drop that average weight figure to double digits, but, I guess I will have to save that happy dance I had planned for next week.  It does however, represent a 400 gram drop in average.

So...there is a challenge on the horizon.  At some stage in September there will be an ammateur MMA competition in Sydney.  Entering in the competition, irrespective of the date has been a goal for me as part of this process.  I contacted the organisers and they are yet to set a date.  Based on the timings of past events I suspect it will be in September at some stage.  So here is the nervous challenge that is before me.  How to go from the weight I am today to 93kg in 5-8 weeks?  If it's 8 weeks, then I breathe a little easier even if my heart rate is still a little above resting.  If it is closer to 5 or 6 weeks.....badabom....badabom.....badabom you can probably hear it beating from where you are now.

I consulted briefly with my dietician and she was confident that I could achieve the weight I am looking for without sacrificing enough muscle to have an impact on my performance.  Comforting from an outcomes perspective, but, possible does still equal a lot of work and dedication from here to the official weigh in time.  Something that both excites and scares me a little at the same time.  Nothing like a serious challenge to inspire some equally serious motivation.

Realistically, I am targetting 95kg with a view to sweating out a couple of kilograms prior to weigh in for the event.  It should leave me enough time prior to the competition to rehydrate properly and perform well from a physical perspective at least.  I know from experience that dropping 2kg in a session is not hard for me.  Doing so without impacting performance the next day is something I am thinking more about at the moment.

Seeing something like this on the immediate horizon is exciting, terrifying and extremely motivating all at the same time.  I don't have the time, space or vocabulary to fully account for all the emotions that it evokes.  I think those three are probably the strongest.  Now to work with them and get through the routine and responsibilities of daily life, while trying to really up my game in all aspects of preparation for the competition.

Putting all that to one side, last week I wrote about parts of the mental aspects of training and preparing to compete in MMA.  After being part of my coach's preparation in the past few months and first competition over the weekend, I have plenty of new material to work through in my head.  However, this week I wanted to go back to some of the other revelations that presented themselves during Coach Richie's recent visit to train us.

Some of my favourite posts to date have centred on the concept of "The Good Training Partner" .  Following that link will take you to them (this one will appear at the top of that search link, so just scroll past it if you are interested).  Between learning how to control my intensity to suit the situation and training partner at the time and the desire to 'keep it playful' in exploring all positions, dominant and inferior, on the grappling mats, the efforts on this front have been some of the most rewarding.  To those ends, I feel like I have learned a great deal about measuring and changing levels of intensity when practicing grappling for example.  To the point where perhaps I had found myself comfortable and maybe even overconfident at times in being able to get out of difficult positions on the mat.  On one side of the ledger, the logic for me has always been about experiencing the bad spots in training so that if and or when I found myself in those same positions in competition (or perish the thought worse), I would be at least familiar enough with the situation so as not to panic.  The key objective being to maintain my critical thinking and use it in executing what technique I may have to put towards reversing the situation.

This strategy has really opened the door for me in terms of the variety of people that I am now comfortable training with and perhaps most importantly from the perspective that I am generally not afraid of hurting training partners any more.  I used to be so worried that I was going to break everyone through my inexperience.  I feel like I have learned enough so that people can walk away from training not cursing my name.  That's got to be positive right?  The other immeasurable benefit is how much I am learning in this approach.  I am no world beater, but, it really has helped my development more than would have been the case otherwise.

Arriving centre stage to this happy story is one Coach Richie.  At his recent visit I had the opportunity to roll (practice grapple) with him.  I worked up the courage to actually take it this time!  I learned so much in those 3 minutes and I would say that nearly all of it was in relation to what was going on in my head.  I've always been impressed with the knowledge Coach Richie has as well as his openness to share it.  He was also one of the first people I saw in the flesh whose movements, in my mind at least, put the art in martial arts.  So fluid and precise.  But enough stargazing no good giving the guy a big head!

What struck me when we started was Coach Richie was coaching straight away.  Natural enough when you think about it I suppose.  A quiet word here or there like 'posture' or 'relax' showed me that he was in the place that I usually try to go, that of slowing things down to the point where you're comfortable and you're seeing more than just the basics of what is in front of you.  Of course I am nothing like as practiced at it, but, it is something that I constantly aspire to do.  I was pleased with some aspects of what I did in that I could recognise a couple of occasions where Coach Richie left a door open for me to walk through if I knew how and at least from what I discerned, I took my chances when they presented.  He was never threatened by anything I did I know for sure, but, it was nice to know that I could at least improve my position at times, even if they were gimmes.

Conversely there was not one moment where I felt safe.  Not that I felt in danger of being hurt or anything, but, more that I felt that Coach Richie could have ended the competition at any time he wanted.  It's pretty clear to me now that this was in my head before I started and quite clearly affected what I was doing.  At one point he paused at told me to relax and control my breathing.  I was snapped out of whatever world I was in and straight away saw that I was breathing far heavier that I had noticed and have been used to under normal circumstances.  On the pleasing side of the ledger, I was not in danger of gassing (a common word for fatiguing) as my fitness has really improved.  But, there I was, breathing hard like I was running a race.

When the 30 second call was given indicating that there was half a minute left in the round, I suddenly became aware of the hands and arms tightening around me in a submission hold forcing me to tap out.  The simple gesture of a couple of light taps on my training partner's back indicating my acknowledgement of defeat.  Absolutely validating my suspicion that I was indeed never safe and had been at the simple mercy of that same training partner.  Who had of course had his coach's hat on the whole time and had been silently teaching me throughout.

At the end, we exchanged a few simple words.  Coach Richie reinforced the message that I needed to relax and not try to strength things, which is a common flaw in bigger guys.  I explained that I was quite nervous.  At the time, this was about all I could express of the ideas and concepts about what had taken place that were starting to whizz around in my head.  I remain fascinated at just how much of an impact it had on me.  To both learn from and 'compete' with someone so vastly more experienced and skilled than me.  All those things that I have been working on in terms of keeping my head clear, controlling my breathing and exploring the experience generally, left me in the heat of the moment.  It reminded me just how much of a mental game it really is and the impact that your state of mind has on your physical performance.  The ability to stay calm and evaluate the situations critically can make or break the outcome of the competition.  It reaffirmed my commitment to the path I have been walking in relation to training myself to remain calm and practice dominant and inferior positions with a diverse range of people.  Those that really challenge me for different reasons.  To work on varying the intensity at which I practice to ensure that I remain alert to opportunities to grasp onto.  Whilst ultimately searching for victory in live competition.

Even though this is a huge post, it really is cutting a long story short, because I took so much away from the experience.  Thanks for sticking with it if you made it this far.

Week 24 - An Exercise of the Mind

I'd have to say that the results on the scales this week very much resemble those of last week, except in terms of actual progress.  A couple of days below 100 kg including a 99.0 which is my weigh in figure for the week and a point in time loss of 500 grams.  The other five days fluctuated to the point where my average weight only dropped by 100 grams.  A trip away this weekend will make things difficult on the scales next week.  There's discipline you apply to every day and then there's that which you apply in this sort of circumstance.  I don't believe in missing out on life.  After all, is not the goal of getting healthy to live your life to the fullest?  Yes it may cost me a little progress in the short term, but, this is a big and meaningful weekend, as my coach competes for the first time.

Whilst I don't drink or smoke or anything, and parties can present some issues for the introverted soul that I am (remember my introvert vs extrovert post? Watch that fantastic video and you will know what I mean), allowing myself to relax on the diet a little will be part of the weekend and I want to be part of this weekend!  It won't look like the old me that would binge out on such occasions. But, it will be a little relaxed shall we say.

On to the business at hand.  One of the things that I enjoy about mixed martial arts (MMA) is the mindset of openness.  The approach that is open to new things.  To different ideas and a variety of techniques.  The ultimate goal being to gain exposure to a broad range of skills and find what works well for you as an individual in forming a well rounded kit bag of martial arts tools so to speak. This week I had the great pleasure of participating in a Martial Arts workshop run by Richie Cranny, who is my coach's coach.  It was the third time I had such an opportunity and I took it up eagerly.  Such a wealth of knowledge, along with a willingness and an aptitude for sharing it was too much to pass up.  Doesn't hurt that he's a good bloke too!

Along with some new techniques and strategies to work on in the coming months, Coach Richie also challenged me (and others in attendance) to be thinking about the mental aspects of practicing and competing in MMA.  At the beginning of the session he asked who had thoughts of competing and why they held those aspirations.  I answered truthfully that primarily, the idea of competing at light heavyweight had been incredibly motivating in my desire to lose weight and get healthy.  As usual though when speaking in an impromptu fashion in a group and on topics that can be somewhat personal, I found that my answer was nothing resembling complete or articulate.  That along with some time to dwell on the question leads me to chronicle my motivations as they have developed over time with hopefully a little more clarity here.

You may have read my original blog post, The Magic Number, which at the time outlined my reasons and goals associated with training and competing in MMA.  Whilst they are all still true and relevant, I have added to them along the way.

First off I should say that I really enjoy the sport.  The training, the concepts and particularly the people.  The functional fitness that I have gained through MMA training has made real and significant change to my fitness and appearance.  I've been fit before.  Very fit.  With this style of training though, I have found that I am becoming very fit and retaining more speed and strength than I can remember ever having.  That is of course in the context of the athleticism that remains with me being nearly 40, but, I am hard pressed to remember a time where I have been fitter.  I certainly cannot remember a time where I have been this weight and body fat levels as I documented in last week's post about my visit to the dietician.

The other aspect of MMA that I have found fascinating and very rewarding has been internal.  The journey of the mind.  I have found that the idea of training to compete in a combat sport has very much made me reflect on why I would want to do such a thing.  I could very well achieve all my physical goals without the need to step up and compete.  Goals do motivate me and competing at light heavyweight, along with just reaching the eligible weight itself, do help me stay hungry (like that diet reference?).  However, the desire to test myself and the skills that I have learned has also become something that is driving me towards competition.  Sometimes I even think of competing before I reach light heavyweight.  I make sure to catch myself, because it would hollow out much of the meaning to the experience.

I am a pretty competitive person and the opportunity to measure my skills against a willing opponent is a very appealing proposition.  When I say that I am competitive, I should say that I very much enjoy competing.  I can honestly say that is generally independent of the outcome of said competition.  What motivates me is attempting to perform and execute skills to the best of my ability.  How that stacks up against my opponent is largely irrelevant to me, because their skillset and execution, their training and experience is largely, if not completely beyond my control.  What I can control, or attempt to at least, is my preparation and execution.  Therein lies the challenge and the interest in competing.  Can I do my best in the heat of the moment.  A great challenge indeed.

As you may remember from my post a couple of weeks ago (To Thine Own Self be True), and as I have mentioned again earlier in this post, I am an introvert, which means that I think and think and think about stuff.  As such, this is post 1 of 2 about the mental aspects of my MMA journey and experiences.  I reckon, I have gone on enough for one week and I don't want to write a novel all in one post!  'Leave them wanting more' as they say.  So hopefully, you'll join me, same Bat Time, same Bat Channel, next week.  Hope to see you then!

Week 23 - A Pound of Flesh

Back more on topic this week.  I backed up last week's drop under 100kg with a couple of days in double figures.  My new low mark set this week is 99.5kg, which represents a 400 gram loss.  My average weight loss in the same period was 500 grams.  Bang on target.  In a week, maybe two, I hope to drop my average below the 100 mark.  That will be a cause for celebration!

You may remember my last visit to the dietician (Week 13) where I had my skinfolds taken to measure my body fat levels and set a baseline.  This week I returned for another checkup so to speak and to see how I have been progressing.  I was more than a little pleased with the outcome of the visit and those of my efforts as well.

Previously I had come in at a total figure of 88.5mm across the 7 points measured, which put me in the Good to Average range of body fat levels as depicted in the chart below, depending on whether I am considered to be an athletic person or not.  Even then I was pretty happy with the outcome given that it was not that long ago that I was well and truly in the poor category.  The goal was to drop body fat, without losing muscle mass.  The way I understand to measure that using skinfolds is that for every kg of body weight that you lose that is purely fat where your skinfolds are above 80mm, you will lose 10mm from your skinfolds total.  So for the first kilo I lost, my results would have dropped to just under 80mm, assuming that I only lost fat and no muscle.  From there, where you are under 80mm, for every kilo of weight you lose, you will only reduce by 5mm from your total skinfolds score.

So in the time between visits (just over 2 months), I lost exactly 5kg.  Based on the system above, that means if I had lost only bodyfat, my skinfolds should have been around the 60mm mark.  Any more, and I would have lost muscle and fat in a percentage ratio determined by the skinfolds result.  Very pleased to report that I came in at 59.8mm.  What that means is that every bit of the weight that I have lost in the past 2 months has been fat and I have retained whatever muscle mass I started with.  All but the perfect outcome.

The image here is me trying to put some context around what that looks like.  You may have seen this method before.  I went searching the intermaweb for an image of what 5kg of fat compares to physically.  Of course everything only came back in pounds, but, I thought this one was quite good.  Allowing for conversion, I lost 11 of these handfuls of fat from my body.  In answer to the question the image poses, no, I am not mad at all.

The other thing that made me smile about the skinfolds result was that it puts me in the Excellent range for both Normal and Athletic people.  Now that is not something I have been able to say about anything to do with my weight ever!

Extending the skinfolds maths out a little further.  At 5mm per 1 kilo lost, pushing on to even 95kg would see me at 35mm total skinfolds.  That is one tough challenge.  My dietician, who works with a lot of athletes has only ever seen someone go as low as just under 30.  She presented me with the proposition that it will most likely not be possible for me to go any lower than 93-95kg without losing muscle mass.  Perfect!  That just happens to be my goal.  Sit on about 95kg day to day with a view to sweating out around 2kg in the days before competition.  For those of you who have trained with me on the mats, you can no doubt attest that sweating out 2kg for me will not be a problem....I reckon I break into a sweat while stretching before the warm up!

Another thing that came out of my visit was a slight adjustment to my macronutrient intake on rest days.  Raising my protein a little and lowering my carbohydrate commensurately.  Nothing dramatic like hopping on board a 'no carb diet'.  Just a small reduction.  I also still need to work on getting my fat intake up to the right level.  Peanuts are my friend in that regard.  I had forgotten them in the last few weeks.

The final note is about the Body Mass Index (BMI).  Going back to the skinfolds maths again for a second, where it was established that I cannot expect to go below about 95kg without sacrificing muscle density and acknowledging that I am really not that muscular to begin with, what does that say about the BMI as a reference point?  My dietician gave a mirthful scoff when I asked her about it and exclaimed that it should not in any way be applied to athletes.  A point that is very hard to argue with given that 93kg is the first weight that I would need to reach before I am considered healthy.  Right now I am still a fair way into overweight....  Can you hear the sound of me chucking the BMI into the discard pile?  No longer shall I let myself be bound by its constraints and I shall enjoy a freedom somewhat akin to that aspired to in Braveheart!!

Week 22 - It's a Kind of Magic

Not with a bang but a whimper.  A very famous line.  Perhaps the most famous of author T. S. Eliot from his poem The Hollow Men.  It may be hard to believe, but, that is how my results this week have left me.  The big news of course is that I weighed in at under 100kg!  I have included official documented evidence in the image here.

You may remember the internal battle that rages inside me between my old and new scales, documented in an earlier post.  I am comfortable reporting this milestone as it was achieved on my new scales.  On the day, the old ones had me at 98.3kg.  To put that figure in perspective, I have had those scales for quite some time and that number on those scales is the lightest I have been in around 15 or more years, if not my entire adult life.  So then, why has this all left me a little cold and not bouncing off the walls?

In truth, I am very pleased with the result.  Since February I have lost 21kg and am now over 40kg lighter than I was at my heaviest.  This week's results represent a 1.2kg loss and a staggering 1.4kg average loss, which, at this stage of the game is remarkable in of itself.  What is sitting in the forefront of my mind however, is that the job is not done.  I still have some of the hardest yards to run.  In previous attempts to get healthy, I have allowed myself to get too caught up in this particular milestone and in true Shakespearean tragic fashion, it was the flaw that lead to my obese downfall.  Something to keep in mind also, is that despite being so much fitter and healthier, according to what so many health professionals rely on as an indicator of healthy weight, the good old Body Mass Index (BMI), I am not only 7kg from my personal goal, but, similarly I am that same amount into the overweight category.  I am closer to the healthy range than the obese now for sure.  But, one of my primary goals in this exercise was to not be one of the so often quoted statistic in the media, that of Australia's "X% of adults who are overweight or obese".  So you can definitely say there is satisfaction this week, but, over and above that, the fire is still burning.

I am going to go off on a completely unrelated tangent at this point, so be warned.  The title of this post is reference to a line from the amazing movie "Highlander" and similarly to lyrics in a song by Queen from the soundtrack to the film.  I use it in reference to how I perceive the process by which my two children have and are learning to read.

I remember clearly with my eldest daughter, reading with her at night and having her read to me when she started school.  Both to encourage her curiosity, imagination and all the good things that come from reading books, and also to foster the growth in her ability to read.  My youngest daughter started school this year and she, even more so than her sister before her, has dived into books with a fervour that I am sad to say is not shared by her father.  Books have not been something that I have ever really taken to, even though I don't believe I could ever satiate my desire to learn new and interesting things.  In reading and listening to my youngest read her first books this year, my mind was cast back to the sensation I had at the time my eldest started in the same way, how on earth do they do it?  They go to the place we call school and when they come back they can translate these symbols on the page into words, meaning and understanding.  I literally sit there some nights with my mouth open in amazement and wonder how this little girl can read those big words.  I understand the mechanics of it as I used to be a high school teacher.  My wife understands it far better than I as she is a primary school teacher.  Even with that knowledge at my disposal, it still fills me with awe at how they do it.  It's a kind of magic!

Something very related to this experience that upsets me in equal measure to the joy the above brings me, is how we can allow people to reach adulthood without this skill set.  There are a couple of people in my life at the moment who I know or suspect are either completely illiterate, or have literacy issues.  Equally, I know one remarkable individual, who despite being written off at school as being stupid, once identified as having dyslexia has gone on to prove himself to be not only incredibly intelligent (with an IQ in the order of 130), but, very capable and successful as well.  So why is it that we let this happen?

Somewhat ironically, I went out and found myself a book on adult literacy.  A practical piece on how to approach helping someone to improve their reading and writing as an adult.  I did it with a view to seeing what I could do, even if it was on a small or an individual scale.  Some of the things it taught me about the obstacles that people who cannot read or write face really shocked me.  Things that we just take for granted.  Picture going to a restaurant and not knowing what's on the menu.  Think about how these days when you go to the supermarket, you often look at the back of the packet to understand the nutritional value (or lack thereof) of the product you are holding.  Is it any wonder that one of the biggest problems that illiterate people face is poor health.  They tend to go to the same places to eat, often fast food outlets, because they can familiarise themselves with the menu and these type of places tend to have pictures depicting their wares, targeting these very people (and kids of course, but, that is another story).  Imagine trying to understand the instructions written on the side of the medication that the doctor just prescribed you. Read a map anyone?  No thanks, I think I'll just stay local, stick with the familiar and limit my life's ambitions.

I know the economics and general reality of the education system is such that it caters to what are the needs of the many.  I know that there are plenty of other, worse things in the world.  It just saddens me to think that it happens and is avoidable.

There endeth my social commentary.  No apologies, but, thanks for sticking with me if you have done so to this point.  A bit more on topic next week.  I leave you with what I hope is a pleasant image of me reading with my daughters tonight before I tuck them into bed.  I'm looking forward to it already.

Week 21 - A Caloric Insight

Can anyone say plateau??  It may be that we have finally arrived at the station.  I found this week quite interesting on the scales.  I have been crook again....(I thought you were meant to be...well healthy when you were being healthy)...so have only trained twice in the last week.  What was interesting was that I hit a new low on the scales earlier in the week as well as what I would have to say is my lightest 'non training' weight also.  So there are some definite positives.  Taking everything into account, I was 400 grams lighter on average for the week and in searching for positives I will take my lightest day as my spot check for the week as it was the only thing that resembled what a weigh in day would normally.  It put me at 600 grams lighter.  So taking into account the bad result last week, I have at least got back the ground I lost in average terms and was 200 grams on the good side for a spot low.

What is perhaps indicative of a plateau in weight loss, (that is a stalling which will require some sort of change in routine) is just how slow things are really coming along now.  The mirror says that I still have plenty to give, but, obviously the methods may well need a shake up.  I am booked into the dietician in a week or so to have my skinfolds done and will have a chat with her, in conjunction with my food diary, to see what we can do.  Looking forward to seeing how I am tracking on the skinfolds front.  I think I am doing well, but, there's nothing like that element of doubt before you know the truth!

I'm posting another video this week.  Once again, it came across my screen and just struck a chord.  So much so that I must have watched it half a dozen times already.  It gives an excellent explanation of calories.  So often we don't necessarily look past the raw numbers of the calorie content of what we eat.  You may remember a post I did a while back about Calorie Density in food.  I really didn't explain it very well, but, I think this video really nails it so I had to share.  It also gives the perspective that I am always banging on about in that we have to understand the nutrient content (carbohydrate, protein and fat) of our calories.  Anyway, the makers of the video pack more information and a better explanation in 3 minutes of your time than I could in a thousand ill chosen words.  Do yourselves a favour....Watch it!

Week 20 - To Thine Own Self Be True

Well, I didn't get the 200 grams I was looking for to say that I had lost 1 kilo per week for 20 weeks.  In reality, I put on 400 grams both on weigh in day and in average for the week.  Truthfully, after the start to the week I had in relation to my eating, I will walk away happy.  I found a kilo of weight somewhere mid week and even getting close to last week is somewhat of an achievement of sorts.  I'm back on track for next week and my goals now centre around 500 grams per week if possible.  I know that even that modest goal is going to be very difficult even though the mirror test says I have plenty of spare tyre left, in my heart of hearts, I suspect that my body is what it is and that it just wants to be a little more heavy that what I have in mind.  Sounds defeatist?  Well I am not defeated at all.  Just acknowledging the challenge ahead, whilst smaller in actual numbers, will be harder than what I have done to this point.  Perhaps best indicated by my average weight chart for this week below.

Click to make me bigger

 Can I also say that I had a rather ironic giggle this week at the note on the top of the page on the site I use to generate this particular graph.  It provides a note each day on how you are tracking towards the goal you have set.  When I am moving in the right direction, it throws up a little green box, an example of which you see below, telling me that I'm travelling ok and giving an indicative date of when I am likely to reach that goal.  Mid week where the dots were just starting to go back under the average line I get this message

Oh YAY!! The U.S. style date telling me that I'll be done for Christmas 2016!!  Just in time for a big extra serving of Christmas lunch....Like I said, it did raise just a little more than even the smile I am wearing as I think and type about it now.

I'm going to branch out on a slight tangent this week onto a topic that genuinely interests me deeply.  You'll understand why soon.

In my investigative travels searching for information to sponge up about all things MMA, martial arts and competing in the same, frequently have I come accross the concept that much of the competition takes place in one's mind rather than on the mat.  The battle just to set foot in the arena is one that defeats many.  Hence why I am so fond of the 'Man in the Arena' quote from Theodore Roosevelt that I have written about in an earlier post.  With this in mind, I have made it part of my journey to try and understand the mental aspects involved in training to compete.  Part of that is understanding myself and how I think.

Up until last year, I always knew that I was introverted, but, I have never had a full understanding of what that meant.  I knew that in me it meant that I didn't tend to seek out the company of others.  I don't particularly like parties or social gatherings generally and none of that particularly bothered me.  At least in so much as I still had the relative confidence, not to demand social conformity of myself that might have otherwise resulted in me overtly diving into social situations that I knew would make me uncomfortable.  Certainly there are times when we all need to join in with the social circumstances of a situation, but, that is part of the nature of societies more broadly.  Or at least, that is how I see it anyway.  But, the one thing that I didn't fully understand was that being introverted, didn't and doesn't make me shy or socially awkward.  At least not always....  Everyone has those moments from time to time right??  I have actually conceded that I may even be a people person.....of sorts.  Even if I do often seek to be on my own.

So what does being introverted and/or extroverted actually mean?  Whilst I did learn the definitions more properly last year, never have I seen it put so well as in the video that hit my FaceBook stream this week that I have embedded here.

The basics of it that give me great comfort are that I can be introverted and still be normal.  In fact, I very much like the qualities of an introvert and am happy to be one.  Someone that thinks deeply about things, internalises them and really considers them.  That's not to say that extroverts don't think things through of course.  They just tend to do it on the outside.  They externalise their thinking and processing of information.  The advantage there is collaboration and perhaps more group diagnosis of things.  There are qualities and drawbacks of both styles.  Watch the video!  It really nails the definitions, characteristics as well as the science behind it all.  What's going on in the brain!!

What's the relevance?  Well, indirectly, understanding this concept is a real benefit in communicating with other people.  If you can understand how they work in terms of whether they are introverted or extroverted, it is at least easier to tailor your communication style to be as effective as possible.  That might mean talking things through with an extrovert and giving an introvert the time to think things through themselves, before diving into a conversation about the topic with them.

Direct relevance for me in terms of both my training and my general efforts to be healthy is to understand what works for me, how I think, learn and recharge my batteries best.  All very important things to know when trying to maximise the return of the investment of time, effort and energy into the goals I have set myself.  Also in terms of winning the battle of the mind that it will take if I am ever to step into the arena of competition.  I like to think of it as being part of an holistic approach to what I am trying to achieve.  There is more to understanding the aspects of the mind involved, but, I think this is definitely part of the puzzle.

Week 19 - Cardio Is My Weapon

I've stuck in this week's weight trend line again.  I'm tossing up between doing that each week for reference, or just having the past week's trend as an image in the corner of the blog.  Not a big deal either way, just putting it out there.  The blue dot in this week's graph is where I actually forgot to weigh in....doesn't happen often.

A good week with both my weigh in day and weekly average seeing a drop of 800 grams.  This sees me at 101.3 kg on my new scales as of this morning!  With my average for the week at 102.4.  Both are very pleasing numbers.  You may remember a few weeks ago in my Crossing the Line post, I spoke about my average weight trend slipping above the line that marks a 1kg per week weight loss.  I think this week could be the last week where my weigh in day weight sits below that line.  I'm actually pretty proud of the effort I have put in to keep below that line for 19 weeks.  In that time I have lost 19.8 kg in total, which is 70% of the weight that I set as my goal to lose.  With 800 grams between me and that line, who knows, I might actually sneak below it next week as well.  There is a chance!

If you have been following from The Beginning, you'll know that one of the tools I am using to motivate me in getting fit, healthy and losing the weight is the prospect of competing in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA).  I cannot express how supported I have felt in my training journey by the people where I train at Synergy.  Whether it be the people sharing the mat in my sweaty mess of effort with a smile and a willingness to engage in this strangely bonding experience of MMA, or the person striving beside me in the Strengthfit classes at stupid o'clock in the morning doing little more than smiling at me as we pass each other for just one more run up the stairs.  Every so often though, someone will come up and have a couple of words with me that start with 'I've been reading your blog'.  The conversations that invariably follow hold real significance in a couple of ways.  Firstly, my apologies if I come off a bit funny, as I tend to be a bit shy in those circumstances.  I know that this forum is public and that is part of the point in terms of accountability, but, there is also some safety in sitting here behind a keyboard not actually knowing if anyone will read it.  That's where these moments in time are also very meaningful.  Both from the perspective of knowing that even one person reads this certainly keeps my head in the game as I don't want to be reporting back about a slack week.  Even more than that though, I get so much encouragement from those conversations.  When someone tells me that they enjoy reading what I write, or even more that they have taken action to improve their own health in part through reading it, it's a massive boost.  So thank you for taking the time and making the effort.  It certainly helps keep me going!

Some of you that do train with me at Synergy may have seen this video - Mt. Taylor Sprint on Facebook earlier this week.  I know I've meandered to the point of this week's post, but, here it comes!  One thing that really appeals to me about the culture of MMA is its openness to use what works.  That is, it doesn't limit the practitioner to a single style or set of techniques and it is an individual journey of discovery as to what works best for you.  I've always been a big guy.  Back row centre of all my school photos.  6 ft 4" (193 cm) from the age of 16 and have not spent much time under 100kg since that time.  Remarkably though, for some reason I have managed to carry a relatively good level of cardiovascular fitness (cardio) through the years.  Probably because of the hours I used to spend on the Rugby training fields.  I was in 4 teams at once in my final year of high school.  Oh to be that rich with time again!

I'm no elite athlete when it comes to physical fitness, strength or anything else.  I have a reasonably solid cardio base that is improving all the time.  The point I see to that is going to be with competition in mind.  When I step onto the mat to compete, I want cardio to be one of the tools in my arsenal.  I may not be the best boxer, kicker or grappler, but, what I don't want is to be limited by fitness in the execution of what skills I do have in those areas.  I want to be measured by them and not beaten by the fact that I have nothing left in the tank to execute what skills I have learned.

That video is of my coach and me on our final hill sprint for the session.  It was at the top of one of the local peaks in Canberra and is a popular walking trail as was evident by the number of people we saw in the foggy 4 degree temperatures.  We had already jogged up the mountain and had come down a little from the top to do some sprints.  When I say we jogged up, I made my usual attempt (I've done it a handful of times now) to jog start to finish that to this point has ultimately ended in a shuffle resembling a bleary eyed man in his slippers emerging outside in search of the morning's newspaper.  While my coach cheerfully stuck at my pace smiling and greeting the fellow souls we passed in either direction on the way, breathing so easy he looked like he could be just as easily strolling out with his dog.  He is of course training for his own upcoming competition and has now given me something to aspire to with regards to my own level of fitness.

I was reasonably satisfied that I kept up in the sprints.  Although I have to admit that the effort left me completely shattered.  It's a great spot for hill sprints.  At least until you finish.  Then you have a 1.5 km trek back down the mountain ahead of you.  Sure it's a great way to get rid of some of the lactic acid as you cool down and I had no leg soreness whatsoever the next day.  But, I almost had to ask my coach to carry me back down.  Mind you, he looked like he had the wherewithal left to do it too!

As the date of whatever my competition ends up being gets closer with each week of weight loss, I have a greater sense of urgency about improving my fitness.  I have plans in place to up the cardio using methods both familiar and new.  I know the effort will pay off and I can taste the fruits of those impending labours.  Win, lose or draw, I will be measured by my skills, not my cardio.