Week 27 - A New Door Opens

It's getting closer to my competition date and weight has become an even hotter topic than usual as it's starting to develop into a closely run race.  95kg is the target with a view to dropping water weight for the remainder as I have no doubt explained before.  My single point in time best morning weigh in this week was 97.5.  I saw lower on the scales after training sessions, but, that is of course not the point.  It represents a drop of 600 grams and my average for the week at 98.8 also fell by the same amount.  I felt good on the day at 97.5 which is important because I need to know what weight I am at whereby I still feel like my physical performance will be spot on to compete.  Four and a half weeks to go and the weight race is heating up.

This week my coach gave me yet another book to read!  You think he'd know by now that I only read books for him....I guess he does, doesn't he...  The book is called "Zen in the Martial Arts" and it is written by Joe Hyams, who I was saddened to read passed away in 2008.

Well, it may not be a big statement in considering the actual volume of books that I have read, but, suffice to say, this one is way, way up there on my list of best books.  Whilst reading it, I was trapped in a desperate struggle with myself.  Half of me wanted to ravenously consume every word as quickly as possible.  The other half wanted to read each one of the short sections individually, then put the book to rest for a week or two while I considered the meaning and impact.  I don't think there was a chapter in it that did not resonate with me in some way.

In answer to the internal struggle of how best to read the book, I compromised.  I spread out the process over a few days.  Each time I read a section, I forced myself to put the book down for an indeterminate period of time to contemplate what I had just read.  The approach satisfied neither side of the struggle fully, but, it was the best I could do at the time.  I know it is a book that I will be reading many times.  This allows me now to take a patient approach on later passes through its pages.  A process I am very much looking forward to undertaking.

So, what's the big deal?  As with every movie, book or form of artistic expression more broadly, appeal is subjective and this may not be everyone's cup of tea.  For me, the concepts it relayed were just so readily identifiable with aspects of my own experiences and thoughts.  Even those for which I had until this point not allowed myself to fully explore or even tried to label.  It appealed to the intellectual and spiritual parts of me in equal measure.  I am a man of faith and there are some challenging aspects to exploring some of the concepts in the book in terms of my existing beliefs.  However, I am convinced that none of them are unresolvable and are actually quite complimentary when attempting to dive into the complexity of the human condition.

Perhaps the reason that I have identified so much with what is in the book is that over the past 12-18 months, I have experience a lot of personal growth.  You might even say that I have finally come close to growing up, which is interesting to think about as I close in on 40 at a speed approaching that of light more so than sound.  The personal growth has all been internal for the main, but, has directly impacted outwardly how I interact with people and life in general.  I realise now that my weight loss has been a part of this process, as the deep seated unhappiness I felt whilst overweight was a real roadblock to any sort of growth.  This book has offered me a pathway to progress that journey and reassured me that my Martial Arts can also continue to be a great vehicle for this endeavour.

In terms of what it is all actually about....well it's all pretty much in the title.  It is a collection of snippets from the author's perspective of his various Martial Arts masters' teachings of aspects of Zen Buddhism and how they can be applied to the practice of Martial Arts and life more broadly.  Now before my beautiful wife runs off screaming, I am not converting to Buddhism in the same way as I didn't convert to Islam when I studied it at University nearly 20 years ago.  I do appreciate critically however, the opportunity and methods of self reflection and discovery that some of the principles explained present and how they might be applied to continuing to improve and grow myself.  I'll repeat that this is of course all subjective and whilst the book spoke to me, it may be devoid of meaning to a lot of people.  But, that is ok too.

An example of how I related directly to the messages in the book is captured in the image below that I put together today.  When I say I put it together, I found what I thought was a superbly meaningful and appropriate image on the internet and added the quote from one of the pages of the book over the top in an editing program with a view to sticking it up in my office in direct line of sight.  I am entirely devoid of artistic creativity and it is in no way possible that I could have produced the image myself.  But, I know what I like!  I have many images up on my positivity wall at work.  Some inspiring words that are scientifically proven to engender positivity here and there too.  This one has taken the prime slot on the wall.

Click me to make me bigger

Part of the philosophy I have developed over recent months has been centred on maintaining a positive outlook.  I allow myself to vent periodically as I think that it is important.  But, when that need has been satisfied, I like to acknowledge the aspects of those issues that have led to the vent, put them to one side and take up a positive course of action.  That is my approach when challenges, difficult or aggravating confront me.  More broadly I keep my mind in a positive place as much as I have the discipline to maintain.  I'm pleased to say that with practice that discipline has increased over time.  That's not to say it is necessarily hard work all the time.  Sometimes it is natural and effortless.  However, there are occasions where conscious effort is required to maintain a positive mindset for the benefit of others and myself and it goes without saying that I am not always successful.  I can say that the approach has made my life better without question.  At least in my own mind.

Of course there is far more to it all than that, but, I think you can get an idea from that and the image here of what I mean.  My beautiful wife, the one who knows me best, will no doubt read this at some stage and hopefully she will have seen the changes too.  Even if in the daily routines of life, the gradual nature of the changes over time has left them somewhat indistinguishable.

As late as yesterday I really thought that I had nothing to write about this week.  Opening up like this in some ways makes me wish I was still in that place.  This post is confronting like last week, but, in a completely different way.  All good for growth I guess.